Monday, October 14, 2013

Mawage (Marriage)

Preface note: Sorry, I forgot to put pictures to this. Meh, I'll live.

To quote one of my all-time favorite films, which I have not watched in over nine years because my wife does not like it, "Mawage. Mawage is wod bwings us togeder today." (Or "Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today" if you do not know The Princess Bride.)

Why am I talking about a way I'm not, but the topic is what started me on this thought that I will be sharing later. First, I have a co-worker getting married soon. And even though I haven't given my oft-stated advice yet, I'm sure it'll come up in conversation later.

A while back, a friend of mine was getting married and asked his friends for advice. So I thought for a moment about it. And I said to him: "Well, you're an accountant. And you know how in accounting cash is king, right?" He said, "Yes." And I added, "Well, in marriage, communication is king." Since then I've added to it. "In marriage, communication is king and honesty is his queen."

By no means am I perfect with this advice. I like the scripture from 1 Corinthians 15:33, which states, "...evil communications corrupt good manners." To me, this is stating that poor communications will not edify a relationship. There are plenty of times when I don't communicate. And I'll admit that on occasion I will keep quiet about something. But on the same token, I know that when I am having open and honest communication with my wife, we are happier together.

One of my favorite songs in Just Give Me a Reason. It is sung by Pink and Nate Reuss. To me, it is a unique song in that it's a true duet. The lyrics speak of a woman who feels that her relationship has lost something. But she doesn't want it to end so she asks the man for a reason for them to stay together. The man, not seeing what the woman sees, reminds her that they are fine but that she is correct, something in their relationship has changed. No, they aren't starting over. They're just seeing that they both want their relationship to continue. But it took speaking to that want to realize that the other wanted it as well.

Why am I talking about this in Mormon Geeks? Well, I am LDS. And I am a geek. And geeks do get married. But even then, this concept doesn't have to apply only to husband and wife. This can be true for parents and children, siblings, and friends.

Now, when I say "open and honest communication" I do not mean "Bare your soul to the whole world." In my viewpoint, there are levels of trust. I trust my wife more than I trust my co-workers. So I will tell her more than I will tell them. But then I've heard an argument on "Why not be that open to everyone?" My answer to that is simply that not everyone is the same. And below, I'll expound on it a bit.

I am not the king of communication. But when I communicate, I try to look at two things: what needs to be said? And what do I want to say that may hurt more than help? Colossians 4:6 adds: "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

Let me present this example that illustrates my point: my child has just done something that is poor behavior. Whether they've hit a sibling, broken something, or said something mean, it is something that needs a discipline moment. But what is it I need to communicate to this child? They need to understand that what they did was in some way harmful. They need to understand that there is a consequence for their action. If my kids see anger or disappointment, that's okay to me. But I don't want to be overbearing in my anger. Well, I may want to be, but I don't need to be. I don't need to get my kids scared of me. So even though I could express everything in that moment, it's better for me not to share every little thing about how Daddy feels about breaking a toy.

So, I suggest trying to be more honest in your communications. I know it's a goal I am trying to keep.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

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