The Schmigado's and Schmigadon't's of Mixed Orientation Relationships

Spoilers about minor plot points in Schmigadoon are contained below.

Schmigadoon is a creative new meta musical about … being in a musical. It’s funny, smart, has some earworm songs, and boasts an outstanding cast. But at its heart, this musical is about finding true love. Because it has some characters who are from the cynical modern world, and some from the idyllic musical world, Schmigadoon finds a really nice balance between being ironic, and being earnest. So its message of finding true love also falls squarely in the center of the irony-earnest Venn diagram. I would sum up its message as “Relationships are not perfect and never will be, but you can find happiness in the imperfection. And THAT is true love.” 

The relationship that intrigued me most in Schmigadoon was the marriage between Mayor Aloysius Menlove (cute name) and his wife Florence. I was intrigued partly because the characters are in an emotionally interesting situation, partly because there’s not much said about them in the musical, and partly because Alan Cumming is just such a captivating actor. The mayor is a closeted gay man, married to a straight woman. He comes out of the closet during the course of the six episodes, and expresses his attraction to another closeted character, Reverend Howard Layton, another closeted gay man who is in a similar situation with his straight wife Mildred (played by the indomitable Kristin Chenoweth).

These relationships between a gay spouse and a straight spouse are sometimes referred to as “mixed orientation relationships”. The two mixed orientation relationships in Schmigadoon are as unique as the individuals involved in them. The Reverend and his wife have a lopsided, emotionally abusive relationship. Yet the Mayor and his wife have a strong bond and a truly beautiful love for each other. The Mayor’s wife is proud of him for being authentic, and they both express their strong love for each other. (Just not, you know, bedroom love.)

There are so few positive portrayals of mixed orientation relationships. In truth, many fail. Most are difficult. Schmigadoon is no different. This was a comedic parody series, but also a show with heart. Yet the portrayal of the Mayor and his wife may be one of the most positive portrayals of a gay man and his straight wife I’ve ever seen in a piece of entertainment. I’m thinking of Tobias & Lindsay Fünke from Arrested Development. Frank & Cathy Whitaker from Far From Heaven. Ennis & Alma Del Mar and Jack & Lureen Twist from Brokeback Mountain. Those relationships are either comedic or painful. Or both. There is pain inherent in the mixed orientation marriage of the Mayor of Schmigadoon, but there’s also a sweet love and understanding. We don’t find out what happens with the Mayor and his wife, or what happens with the Mayor and the Reverend other than that they share a simple kiss. And maybe that’s for the best, since we don’t always know what path our own journeys will take us on in life. But in the meantime, we can appreciate the pain and the joys that people in mixed orientation relationships feel. We can celebrate diversity in relationships. And we can just love without an agenda, as Schmigadoon encourages.

Even if it’s not, you know, bedroom love.

Joe got married!

Hay folks! I know I said I'd have a review of God's Army out but once again my video editing software has decided to not work, so till I can get a proper program up and running, I wanted to share some photos from my wedding a couple months back.
Enjoy!

We had a Disney theme for our receptions. This is me in my Beast outfit. 

My beautiful bride showing off her bling. 

I had a Lego figure tie tack at the temple with a little bride and groom. I decided they needed to have an adventure. 

Honeymoon was naturally in Disneyland. Here we are with Cinderella. 

Me, my groomsmen and my best men. This is after I narrowed down the list. 

Us at the reception in full Disney regalia. 

A kiss outside the Bountiful temple. 

The traditional stuffing of each other's faces. 

My godmother, my mother, and me. 

Me and "Aladdin". 

Our cake naturally. 

Friends at my reception. 

Disney buys Marvel, which means we get to meet the Cap. 

Awwww!

Cheesy as all get out, but still kinda cute

WE FOUND STITCH!

Merida tried to talk Katie out of marrying me. She decided to stay. 

We have each other's back. 

So... I didn't do well on Splash Mountain...

...And Katie didn't do well on Space Mountain...

But we both did well on Cars. 

Honeymoon included a quick trip to Asguard... 

We found Tinkerbell!

Us chillin' with Walt. 

These guys... :)

Joe Got Married

This past weekend, Mormon Geeks writer Joe got married. I think we should all enjoy this picture and then go write on the Facebook page a congratulations to them.

(And yes, I'm using the wedding as an excuse for a lack of a post this week.)

Sorry, not my place to post pictures I took at his wedding, including a butt load of selfies. Okay, here's this selfie and Andrew and I. That one I'll post. Ignoring me, it's a good pic of Andrew looking cartoonish.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

Mawage (Marriage)

Preface note: Sorry, I forgot to put pictures to this. Meh, I'll live.

To quote one of my all-time favorite films, which I have not watched in over nine years because my wife does not like it, "Mawage. Mawage is wod bwings us togeder today." (Or "Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today" if you do not know The Princess Bride.)

Why am I talking about marriage....well...in a way I'm not, but the topic is what started me on this thought that I will be sharing later. First, I have a co-worker getting married soon. And even though I haven't given my oft-stated advice yet, I'm sure it'll come up in conversation later.

A while back, a friend of mine was getting married and asked his friends for advice. So I thought for a moment about it. And I said to him: "Well, you're an accountant. And you know how in accounting cash is king, right?" He said, "Yes." And I added, "Well, in marriage, communication is king." Since then I've added to it. "In marriage, communication is king and honesty is his queen."

By no means am I perfect with this advice. I like the scripture from 1 Corinthians 15:33, which states, "...evil communications corrupt good manners." To me, this is stating that poor communications will not edify a relationship. There are plenty of times when I don't communicate. And I'll admit that on occasion I will keep quiet about something. But on the same token, I know that when I am having open and honest communication with my wife, we are happier together.

One of my favorite songs in Just Give Me a Reason. It is sung by Pink and Nate Reuss. To me, it is a unique song in that it's a true duet. The lyrics speak of a woman who feels that her relationship has lost something. But she doesn't want it to end so she asks the man for a reason for them to stay together. The man, not seeing what the woman sees, reminds her that they are fine but that she is correct, something in their relationship has changed. No, they aren't starting over. They're just seeing that they both want their relationship to continue. But it took speaking to that want to realize that the other wanted it as well.

Why am I talking about this in Mormon Geeks? Well, I am LDS. And I am a geek. And geeks do get married. But even then, this concept doesn't have to apply only to husband and wife. This can be true for parents and children, siblings, and friends.

Now, when I say "open and honest communication" I do not mean "Bare your soul to the whole world." In my viewpoint, there are levels of trust. I trust my wife more than I trust my co-workers. So I will tell her more than I will tell them. But then I've heard an argument on "Why not be that open to everyone?" My answer to that is simply that not everyone is the same. And below, I'll expound on it a bit.

I am not the king of communication. But when I communicate, I try to look at two things: what needs to be said? And what do I want to say that may hurt more than help? Colossians 4:6 adds: "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

Let me present this example that illustrates my point: my child has just done something that is poor behavior. Whether they've hit a sibling, broken something, or said something mean, it is something that needs a discipline moment. But what is it I need to communicate to this child? They need to understand that what they did was in some way harmful. They need to understand that there is a consequence for their action. If my kids see anger or disappointment, that's okay to me. But I don't want to be overbearing in my anger. Well, I may want to be, but I don't need to be. I don't need to get my kids scared of me. So even though I could express everything in that moment, it's better for me not to share every little thing about how Daddy feels about breaking a toy.

So, I suggest trying to be more honest in your communications. I know it's a goal I am trying to keep.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

An awesome song by another Mormon Geek!

I was very excited to receive this message a few weeks ago from one of our fans! This video is awesome and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did!

"When I was married in the temple, my little brother, Jacob Lee, wrote me a song that he performed at our wedding reception. In 2013, seven years later, he was married in the St. George temple. I wrote a [somewhat geeky] song and made a [somewhat geeky] music video to celebrate the occasion." -fellow Mormon Geek Benjamin Lee. 

-JOE

Joe got engaged! :D

So I apologize for my absence on Mormon Geeks recently. I personally have been dealing with a psychotic amount of homework as well as the fact that I recently got engaged.

That’s right people I’m engaged. J

Let me answer some of the questions I’ve already heard:

How did you ask?

Nothing special. We pretty much just decided. My fiancée Katie and I have been best friends for almost a decade, and we’ve been dating for about three years. It just felt right.

When’s your date?

May 24^th, 2014.

Why so far away?

We’re both getting ready to graduate soon, and Katie has a pretty awesome but busy job so we’re giving ourselves space so we don’t go nuts.

Everything else, we haven’t decided yet. We don’t know what temple we’re getting married in, we don’t know where we’re going to live, we don’t know where we’re going to go on our honeymoon, and we aren’t registered anywhere (Though unsolicited free gifts are always welcome.)

Now I know the last question you’re all asking: Who was able to snag a confirmed bachelor like me? Well let’s talk about Katie.

I met Katie in a Walmart parking lot about ten years ago. The first time I saw her I had the feeling of “where have you been all my life?”, but not in the romantic way, more “where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you, you dingbat!” and she felt the same way. Over the next several weeks we became best friends, and I started to fall in love.

They say opposites attract, and in Katie and I’s relationship it’s certainly true. Katie is an analytical, logical accounting major at Weber State. Before we started dating her geekiness included some tasteful Anime (She showed me Howe’s Moving Castle) and she was into casual gaming. Now she can (grudgingly) name about a couple dozen super heroes, watches Star Trek, and helped me found my World of Warcraft guild.

Not that much of that is really important. The important stuff is that Katie is the kind of person that would go out of her way to help anyone who needed help, and will do everything she can to see the good in people. Katie can make me laugh when I’m at my lowest, without even saying anything. Last year for Valentine ’s Day she gave me a Lego Death Star. The girl knows me.

One of my favorite quotes is “Happiness is being married to your best friend.” I’ve always subscribed to that philosophy, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that in a year I will be marrying my best friend. J

-JOE