The Schmigado's and Schmigadon't's of Mixed Orientation Relationships

Spoilers about minor plot points in Schmigadoon are contained below.

Schmigadoon is a creative new meta musical about … being in a musical. It’s funny, smart, has some earworm songs, and boasts an outstanding cast. But at its heart, this musical is about finding true love. Because it has some characters who are from the cynical modern world, and some from the idyllic musical world, Schmigadoon finds a really nice balance between being ironic, and being earnest. So its message of finding true love also falls squarely in the center of the irony-earnest Venn diagram. I would sum up its message as “Relationships are not perfect and never will be, but you can find happiness in the imperfection. And THAT is true love.” 

The relationship that intrigued me most in Schmigadoon was the marriage between Mayor Aloysius Menlove (cute name) and his wife Florence. I was intrigued partly because the characters are in an emotionally interesting situation, partly because there’s not much said about them in the musical, and partly because Alan Cumming is just such a captivating actor. The mayor is a closeted gay man, married to a straight woman. He comes out of the closet during the course of the six episodes, and expresses his attraction to another closeted character, Reverend Howard Layton, another closeted gay man who is in a similar situation with his straight wife Mildred (played by the indomitable Kristin Chenoweth).

These relationships between a gay spouse and a straight spouse are sometimes referred to as “mixed orientation relationships”. The two mixed orientation relationships in Schmigadoon are as unique as the individuals involved in them. The Reverend and his wife have a lopsided, emotionally abusive relationship. Yet the Mayor and his wife have a strong bond and a truly beautiful love for each other. The Mayor’s wife is proud of him for being authentic, and they both express their strong love for each other. (Just not, you know, bedroom love.)

There are so few positive portrayals of mixed orientation relationships. In truth, many fail. Most are difficult. Schmigadoon is no different. This was a comedic parody series, but also a show with heart. Yet the portrayal of the Mayor and his wife may be one of the most positive portrayals of a gay man and his straight wife I’ve ever seen in a piece of entertainment. I’m thinking of Tobias & Lindsay Fünke from Arrested Development. Frank & Cathy Whitaker from Far From Heaven. Ennis & Alma Del Mar and Jack & Lureen Twist from Brokeback Mountain. Those relationships are either comedic or painful. Or both. There is pain inherent in the mixed orientation marriage of the Mayor of Schmigadoon, but there’s also a sweet love and understanding. We don’t find out what happens with the Mayor and his wife, or what happens with the Mayor and the Reverend other than that they share a simple kiss. And maybe that’s for the best, since we don’t always know what path our own journeys will take us on in life. But in the meantime, we can appreciate the pain and the joys that people in mixed orientation relationships feel. We can celebrate diversity in relationships. And we can just love without an agenda, as Schmigadoon encourages.

Even if it’s not, you know, bedroom love.

Luca: A Celebration of Friendship

(Guest post by Stephen)

"You and me, we can do anything!"

– Alberto, in Disney/Pixar's Luca

I have been eagerly anticipating Pixar's Luca for months, and was really excited when I finally got to watch it. My only complaint was that they didn't release the movie to theaters. It's only available on Disney+, but I would have loved to see it on the big screen. The film did not disappoint. But first, I want to share some background about why I was so excited.

A few years ago, I was at a men's retreat, face-to-face with another man, and was asked to say to him what I felt as I looked at him. My answer surprised even me: "I just want him to be my friend," I said. Then I broke down in tears.

For many years I avoided forming any close relationship with other men. I had a deep-set fear that my desires for connection with other men would be perceived as childish or unmanly, that people would think I was gay, or that perhaps it meant that I actually was gay. I was also afraid that I would be treated poorly, made fun of, or hurt. I don't think I'm alone in these fears. In fact, a researcher at NYU, Niobe Way, has documented how similar fears lead boys to become emotionally stoic and isolated. It seems to be a common cultural belief that men shouldn't or even can't form close friendships, but I have learned from personal experience that it doesn't have to be this way.

"Men are fully capable of connecting deeply with other people – some just need to relearn how to do it."

– Kim Evensen, Brothers

Deep, authentic friendships are necessary and needed for everyone in this world, including men. They provide an important piece of support as we experience difficult trials in our lives. The lack of such friendships is literally killing men, as loneliness and suicide among men has become epidemic.

It took me a long time to realize that not only does my desire for deep connection mean nothing more than wanting friendship, a normal human need, but that I can have that kind of friendship if I work at it. I have worked to create and foster multiple friendships over the last few years, and those friendships have truly been a lifeline to me. I can't imagine going back to the isolation in which I used to live.

This lack of societal sanction of deep friendships between men is why I've been so excited about the release of Luca. From the trailers and the interviews leading up to the movie's release, it has been clear that the film focuses on the beauty of friendship.

Pixar's Luca celebrates friendships. Luca and Alberto, two sea-monsters whose bodies transform to appear human on land, become fast friends. They push each other to try new things and get out of their comfort zones. Their friendship develops into something truly beautiful as they share their fears with each other, support each other, show affection to each other, and even have deep disagreements. The film is a journey in the authentic formation and expression of friendship.

I won't spoil the movie for you, but make sure you don't miss the end scene. It beautifully paints the deep love that two friends can have for each other. We need more of this love – and the expression of it – in our society. Luca is a masterclass in what that can look like.

For a different take on the messages in Luca, see here. 

Homophobia, Inclusion, and Sushi!

I watched the new Pixar movie Luca with my 3 teenage kids for Father's Day. I told them I was going to write about the new Disney Plus exclusive film. When I asked them what topic I should write about, they were quick to shout out their ideas:

“Homophobia!”

“Inclusion!”

“Sushi!”

Luca tells a timeless story about an awesome bromance between two buddies who feel like outcasts, and try to be something they're not in order to fit in. The setting is a fictional seaside Italian villa, lush with seascapes, easy breezy summer feels, and all the realistic details mixed with fantasy elements that only a Pixar creation can deliver. The cast is incredible, especially the youth cast of Jacob Tremblay (Room and Wonder), Jack Dylan Grazer (It and Shazam!). The story is effortless -- maybe a little predictable, but there was enough humor and surprise elements to keep it interesting. And as with every Pixar movie, it was just as entertaining for kids as it was for adults.

I appreciate that my children got some of the same messages from Luca that I did. Include others. Be yourself. Friendship knows no bounds. You are braver than you think. You can overcome your past trauma. Kids need some structured freedom … But mostly, the message we all took away was to always be kind to others. 

My own children, some of whom identify as LGBT, have been bullied and teased at church. These are kids who are generally accepted at school, they have found their niche with friends, and they are pretty comfortable with their lives. And for awhile, they would attend church and youth activities … but the other youth would often tease my kids, or would sometimes outright be mean to them. This was made worse when the youth leaders would either do nothing, or sometimes would even join in with the teasing. My kids definitely identified with Luca and Alberto: two kids who were trying to hide their true nature so they could fit in, and they were marginalized as personae non gratae. And this isn’t just a kid problem. I know several LGBT adults who feel ostracized and unsafe going to church because of hurtful remarks people make. 

Sometimes we have to dig deep to find ways to accept others who are not like us. Instead of potentially offending others who don’t share the same values, beliefs, or attractions as us, surely we can find ways to be more inclusive. Instead of degrading or disrespecting others, let’s be more Christlike. Instead of treating others like mostri marini, it's out duty to find ways to include people on our team. It might be tough to resist saying something that’s on our mind, but that’s when we yell “Silenzio, Bruno!” and ask ourselves if we are including or excluding others.

And then we can all go get sushi together.

Why Boy Meets World is Still Relevant

My wife and I are finishing up a re-watch of Girl Meets World. Every time we watch, we naturally have the desire to re-watch Boy Meets World as well. It’s been over 20 years since the show ended and yet it still remains just as poignant as ever. The technology and the pop culture references might be a bit dated (read: nostalgic) but the stories hold up over time. So let’s talk about those for a second.

Discrimination

Early on in the series, Cory made a bet with Feeny that he could be a better teacher. It was a simple idea meant to teach Cory a lesson, but it got real fast when Eric’s friend was hurt by a racial slur. The incident impacted how Cory went on to teach about Anne Frank. What a way to teach 6th graders about racism and discrimination. As a white male, I can’t say I’ve ever really been discriminated against, but this episode hits me every time. I can’t put into words how real this made things for me. So give “Teacher’s Bet” a watch to see how Cory handled it all.

Boundaries 

A couple episodes in the series really hit hard about appropriate boundaries and expectations for interacting with other people (particularly members of the opposite sex). The first happened in “Chick Like Me” when Shawn had a rude awakening to his own faults, when (dressed up as a girl) he felt pressured beyond his comfort when a boy made a pass at him. The second episode happened later on in Cory’s college years during “Everybody Loves Stuart” when a young college professor tried to push boundaries with Topanga, making her feel unsafe. With sexual assault being a devastating issue these days (I swear it's worse and worse as the years pass), it’s important to understand boundaries and to teach it on a teen show back in the late nineties blows me away. (Also, you need to watch Cory throw a punch at Stuart in that episode (played by his real life brother, Fred Savage)

The Family We Choose

I came from a good family with reliable, loving parents. Unfortunately, not everyone does. Shawn was one of those unfortunate cases, leaving him feeling like he didn’t belong anywhere. In “Cult Fiction”, this feeling took Shawn to the arms of a Mr. Mack and his “Centre”. We don’t know exactly what kind of financial, emotional, or physical way Mr. Mack was using Shawn, but it was clear that Turner, Feeny, and the Matthews had reason not to trust him. It was in episodes like this that Shawn was able to get a glimpse into which relationships really mattered to him. Even though he didn’t have a reliable set of parents, he chose to make the Matthews and Mr. Turner into his family. A lesson that would go with him into Girl Meets World when he befriended and mentored Maya.

Abuse

So I talked about boundaries already, but Boy Meets World also tackled the idea of abuse. In “Dangerous Secret” Shawn found out that his friend Claire was being physically abused by her father. Like many abuse victims, she didn’t want to report her dad at first and just focused on getting her a safe place to sleep each night. But for the other teens, what to do? Call the cops? Put her on a bus? The episode had a happy ending, but it posed many questions that you wouldn’t have expected teenagers to have to consider. Domestic abuse still happens twenty years later, but knowing how to respond is the first step.

Sex

The show did a fantastic job portraying various aspects of romantic relationships. As the teens figured out dating, high school, college, and marriage, it was natural for the subject of sex to come up over the years. In “Dangerous Secret” after misunderstanding Shawn’s relationship with Claire, Cory acted almost as though Topanga owed him sex. Big no no. Later on, in “Prom-ises, Prom-ises”, we got the consequence of (possibly) unprotected sex when Amy and Alan discovered they were pregnant again. The reveal of which taught Cory and Topanga some self-restraint and responsibility. The way this show talked about sex was done in a respectful way that I don’t feel like happens anymore. And I didn't even dig into that time when everyone thought Cory slept with Topanga in the computer lab.

Like I said before, I’m looking forward to re-watching Boy Meets World. It’s one of those shows that has aged so well that it’s still worth watching and re-watching twenty years later. Not the case with every show. I guess we’re all meeting the world when we watch it.

"Boy Meets World... Now I get it."

Coming Out

People will automatically be turned off by the very fact that sexual orientation is the topic of Pixar’s newest SparkShorts entry Out, available on Disney Plus. This short (and by extension, this article) is not for those people. Instead, this short is for those who want to see a story about personal growth, about love and acceptance, about parent-child relationships, about being true to yourself. Disney has a rich history of addressing these topics. Finding Nemo is not a documentary about clownfish; it’s a story about a complex father-son relationship and about what it means to be a nontraditional family. Aladdin is not really about how to use magic to accomplish your goals, and more about being true to yourself -- truly loving yourself. And Out is less about “being gay” and more about overcoming fears and accepting yourself and others as they are.

And yes, there’s a magical rainbow in the end.

This short made me cry. But then again Pixar seems to have a history of doing that to me. I watched Out several times with my kids, and even more by myself. Sure, it’s got some fun moments (house music equals magic!) and who can resist when the dog pees the floor as a way to keep the mom finding out her son is gay! But Out made me cry because I believe everybody can relate to the fear of being rejected. Disappointing a parent. Having a secret found out.

And that’s the beauty of this short: it’s relatability. That’s the beauty of Disney in general, especially Pixar. They present feelings and emotions that everybody can relate to, even if the exact situation might tend towards fantasy. I’ve never been a lost toy, or a love-struck trash robot stuck in a dystopian future, or a widower trying to find adventure in a helium-powered mobile home. But I think we can all relate to the feelings associated with these extreme situations: having an existential crisis, finding love wherever it exists, trying to connect with those we have lost. So it’s true you might not be a gay man who undergoes a body switch with his yippy dog. But I’m sure you can relate to being in love. To being scared of what others might think of you. To wanting to be loved and accepted for who you are.

We are living in some really tough times. A pandemic has changed our world, has affected businesses, and has generated more social change than anything else in recent history. Wildfires, tornadoes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters have gripped our attention. Innocent people are dying, and people are protesting and rioting in the streets. Life is not easy right now. What better time than now for a message about love and acceptance? There are those who will look at Out as nothing more than a political statement. But I look at it as a plea for us to love our children unconditionally. To accept ourselves wholeheartedly. To live boldly and to love boldly. And that's a message our world could use right now as we all navigate our way Out of heartache.

Onward - Pixar's latest masterpiece

I knew I was going to be biased when I walked into Onward, since I'd already defended it on several internet forums and had a Barley dolly sitting at home waiting for me, but nonetheless I was still amazed at how much I truly enjoyed the film.

Onward then.

The Non-Spoiler Plot

Onward takes place in a magical Dungeons and Dragons-esque setting where elves, unicorns and the like used magic to coexist relatively peacefully. When technology came along, with its ease of use, the magic in the world slowly died out to be replaced with smart phones and planes. In this world we follow Ian and Barley,  played by Tom Holland and Chris Pratt respectively, two brothers who are given the magical ability to see their deceased dad for one day by way of magic. The spell goes awry and the brothers have to go on a quest to find the missing component of the spell that can allow them to see their dad again.

Ian and Barley, The Emotional Core

Ian is the younger brother of Onward, an awkward 16-year-old who seems to be afraid of everything including making friends. His opposite and brother, Barley, is a geek by way of Wayne's World and is confident in his life, despite being seen mainly as a screw up. Barley is obsessed with their world's version of D&D, Quests of Yore, which is not only a role-playing game but an historically accurate game making it a mix between D&D and Civil War reenactments. His passion usually lands him in trouble as he tries to convince the world that things were far better back when there was less indoor plumbing and more hocus pocus.

It's the brother's chemistry that makes the movie shine, much like Elsa and Anna from Frozen this film focuses less on getting one of the main characters married off and more on the relationship between siblings, a dynamic that is all but universally felt. The film's overall message is about reestablishing connection, whether it's with the brothers connecting to their dead father, Ian connecting with really anyone, or Barley trying to connect the world to its lost roots. Without giving too much away it's this theme of connection that accumulates in the film's emotional climax, which had my party in the theater all literally reaching for the tissues.

The Cyclops in the Room

It would be remiss to not mention the major controversy surrounding the film, being the first canonical LGBT character in Disney/Pixar's vast canon.

She's a cop cyclops that has about a 6 minute scene and in it she mentions offhandedly that she has a girlfriend. That's it.

As far as representation goes it's not bad, an applauded step, but for me the real representation star came in the form of Barley, the geeky, loud, over sized older brother (gee, I wonder what I see in him). In my representation post I mentioned how geeks are still usually portrayed as comic relief at best and degrading stereotypes at worst. Barley starts out as a stereotype, the over-obsessed loser with no direction but to play his games and bore everyone endlessly about his obsessions, but as the film progresses he's actually shown to be more of the one in the right. Barley doesn't go through a forced change where he has to put away his toys and rockin' denim vest to pursue a degree in engineering, his knowledge of the old world pays off more than once, and those he comes in contact with start to see that the magic inside of them is worth the effort to pursue, despite the technological wonders around them.

Onward is the film that needs to become Disney/Pixar's new tent pole franchise, essentially the Frozen for boys and geeks. If you've been wondering weather its worth it, stop right now, get your tickets and go as soon as you can because you will not be sorry for the experience you get.

-JOE

Click here to also see Ryan's insights about grief, inspired by Onward.

Seeing Myself: The Importance of Representation

Every year it's the same problem: I go to pick out a new cosplay only to realize once again that anything I pick out I'll have to bend to fit my demographic. Rick of Rick and Morty becomes Fat Non-White Rick. Harley Quinn becomes Fat Boy Non-White Harley Quinn.

The only costume I could pull of with my ethnic traits and body type is Mario.

What Is Representation? 

Representation is the ability to see similarities in the characters one sees in media and one's own self. This can be anything, including age, gender, race, sexuality, religion, language or even personal experience. A person can enjoy a character even if none of these traits are apparent, how many people after all have bought Baby Yoda and Baby Groot merchandise without being a big eared alien or a tree? But when a majority of human characters look the same (i.e.Caucasian males between 16 and 25 with trim beach-ready bods and perfect hair whisking their equally athletic blonde love interests into the sunset, it's hard to not eventually take it personal.

The Street Rat

The first time I ever saw someone who looked like me playing the hero was in Disney's Aladdin. The titular hero has tanned skin, and while I am not from the Middle East, that one trait was enough to let me know that I wasn't alone in the world and that people of my own color could be heroes. After that Disney came out with a small pile of heroes I understood, like how Beast had a temper like mine when I was a kid, or how Quasimodo felt like a monster, a problem I faced most of my life since I feel like I look like a Mr. Potato Head that was left out in the sun. Being able to see myself, even partially, was valuable to me because it validated my existence as a person to see other people like me.

When Representation Goes Bad

Fast forward several years, the MCU is at the height of popularity, though unfortunately full of the white Caucasian slim-fits that were as alien to me as Drax. Spider-Man: Homecoming enters theaters and my friends all tell me that there's a character that reminds them of me down to a tee. Curious and excited I see the film to see the character they were talking about-Peter Parker's fat Filipino-American nerd friend. I wanted to be insulted. This. This is what my friends see me as. This is how I get represented. As a comedy character sidekick. This character is in the list of characters I could pull off in a cosplay, and it hurt.

I don't want it to come across that I thin the character shouldn't be there. He is fun and makes for a pretty good audience surrogate, but my issue is that he's the only person who looks like me in film. I want to be the hero, or at the very least get to be part of the action rather than delegated to a computer lab helping the hero save the day.

This sadly is not the most insulting comparison that's been made with me. One of the most offensive pieces of media in the last several years (in my humble opinion) is the TV series Big Bang Theory. The show portrays four geeks who follow every piece of geek stereotyping: Social ineptitude, obsession, oblivious to fashion, even portraying stereotypes long since thought to be overcome, including Jewish, Indian and people on the autism spectrum. While the show was on the air and in its hey day I was constantly hearing comparisons between myself and the characters, to which I would become legitimately insulted. I felt like my interests, my personality and the things I hold dear were being exploited for entertainment, and it made others think of me as the same joke character as these people were.

Onward and Upward

With as many missteps as are taken over the years hope still abides. This week Disney released a film celebrating geeks all over and giving them the proper Disney treatment. Chris Pratt, famed comedian and actor, plays Barley, a large nerd who enjoys life. From what we've seen of the trailers Barley is not portrayed as useless but more of following his own drummer, and while his skin tone is bright blue I am very pleased to announce that he is a more hefty fellow, calling back to Pratt's body shape before hunking up for Guardians of the Galaxy.
Onward.

It's important for people to see themselves in films, even briefly. Onward has caught online slack for featuring Disney's first in-canon LGBTQ character (though I would dispute that with Le Fou from the live action Beauty and the Beast but whatever). The character, a background cop with one line indicating that she has a girlfriend. Some picture the damage it could cause children to see this character, but I imagine the person struggling with their identity seeing a character like them, even if it's just one line in the background, and knowing that they are not alone in the universe, they're not a freak or a monster, they're a person.

Incidentally, I haven't seen the movie yet, but I am the proud owner of a large stuffed Barley. We play video games together.

-JOE

Also check out our review of "Onward"

Doctor Who Review: "The Pilot"

A week ago we were blessed with some new Doctor Who after over a year without a new season. To be fair we had two Christmas specials in the meantime, but other than that we haven’t had any new Who since (spoiler alert) Clara and Ashildr flew off in that diner TARDIS. My roommate and I went to see the premiere “The Pilot” in theaters for a Fathom Events thing, so here with go with a little review. Obviously, spoilers ahead. If you haven’t seen it yet, go to iTunes ASAP, since it is currently free. Go do it. Now.

Anyway, first off, I like the introduction to the episode. I felt like we got to see the episode from Bill’s perspective (to be clear, Bill is a girl; I’m not sure what it’s short for, with a girl, but Bill is a girl). Of course at this point we know who the Doctor is and we know Nardole. However, since the episode is from Bill’s perspective, this is an appropriate spot to start someone! While it wasn’t a very popular episode, this is kind of like the episode “Rose”, the very first episode of modern Who. In “Rose” we had Rose’s perspective as she got to know the Doctor and we learned about the Doctor along with Rose. Same with Bill in this episode. We learn about the Doctor alongside Bill. It’ll a great place to start a potential Whovian, especially since it would take watching 9 seasons to get caught up on modern Who.

Now specifically Bill. I was skeptical about this character after she was introduced in the season promo after the Christmas special. It just seems like ANOTHER young, peppy girl as a companion, instead of a unique character. After this episode, I’m cautiously optimistic. I was also worried when I heard she was going to be a lesbian, since my last major exposure to an LGBT character was Ruby and Dorothy in Once Upon a Time. That storyline just felt forced. However, Bill’s sexuality felt like a natural part of her character. Instead of being out of left field and unexpected, it felt like any other romantic involvement of a character.

I liked the pace of the episode too. Despite taking place over the course of months, it keeps plugging along. The back and forth between Bill and the Doctor is great. Bill keeps throwing a wrench into the Doctor’s clichés (took her forever to realize it was bigger on the inside). Just so much irony in her comments towards the Doctor about science fiction and everything. I liked it and it helped me warm up to her character. She’s not just a sassy young adult girl, like Amy or Clara.

Finally, there were a number of loose ends in this episode. I’m assuming they’ll be resolved, but you never know. I’m curious how long the Doctor has REALLY been at the university. He and Nardole seem to have been there for a while and they’ve been tutoring Bill for a while as well. Why did the Doctor come to the university? Why have he and Nardole been hanging out there for so long? Of all things though, I will be really disappointed if they don’t delve further into that vault they were guardians. Also, we saw the Doctor in a reflection in the picture of Bill’s mom. It seemed obvious to me that he went back to cause the ripple effect that Bill would have pictures, but at the very least I’d like them to acknowledge it.

What did you think of the Doctor Who Series 10 premiere? Any thoughts on Bill? What about thoughts on Nardole sticking around longer? I kind of like the idea of having TARDIS team again instead of just one companion.

PS: I loved the bouquet of sonic screwdrivers and the pictures of River and Susan.

Joe's last rant of the year

Disclaimer: I know that living a homosexual lifestyle goes against the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. However, the church also teaches "Love Thy Neighbor" and in recent years has told members to love and care for our brothers and sisters no matter what their sexual orientation. To me that means that if I have a voice then they should be free to have a voice too, weather that's in politics, choice of partner, or in popular media. Homosexuality has been a marginalized voice in media for centuries, and my offense comes from continuing to portray a group of people inaccurately or like their very being is offensive. Happy new year.

I know that now's the time to look back on 2014 with fondness, maybe remember the good times or make a best and worst top ten list... But this has been sticking in my craw and I can't let the new year come in without getting it off my chest...

Legend of Korra.

You know the drill. Spoilers yeah yeah....

I'm late to the party on this so most LOK fans have already heard of the big controversy so for the uninitiated allow me to explain: At the series finale of Legend of Korra, our hero Korra and her friend Asami decided to go on a vacation together, getting away from all the crazy that's happened in the last five or so years. The last scene shows the two women about to start their new adventure, look at each other, and hold hands.

That's it.

Not so bad, right? Well it gets better.

The writers of the show immediately came out and said that the characters were gay, and that the last scene of them holding hands represented their mutual attraction to each other and that they were about to start their lives together.

That's when I got mad.

Okay, before you think I'm some sort of homophobe, my problem here is NOT the idea that they're gay. If the writers wanted to write gay characters then by all means. Legend of Korra is certainly not for children anyway, so the whole "They're corrupting our kids!" nonsense can be tossed. My problem is that up until the very last scene, and even then, the characters showed no signs of being gay or being attracted to each other. They don't need to be stereotypes, but these two were established as heterosexual. They even dated the same guy at one point. Even the holding hands scene isn't that monumental of a jump. The Golden Girls held hands to show solidarity. Thelma and Louise held hands at the end of their movie to show sisterhood. It's a common practice for women to hold hands in our society. That last scene was vague at best.

This is as bad as when JK Rowling told the press that Dumbledore was gay three months after the final book. Did anyone actually get that vibe? Yes, Dumbledore was unmarried and you never heard of him having an attraction to anyone, but does that mean gay?

My overall problem is that writers telling us about the sexuality of their characters after the final take to me isn't bold or fresh, it's cowardly. If you want to show support, show support! Otherwise, don't say anything. 

-JOE

The End of the Useless Dad?

Okay, before we go on, I need you to watch this video real fast...



Done? Okay.

Media has a mixed history with fatherhood, you ever noticed that?

It tends to be the case in most media, especially the mainstream sitcoms of the 80's and 90's. Dads are usually overweight, out of touch with their children, just wanting to go home and sit in their favorite recliner and have a beer. Usually when referring to their children they're hesitant at best and completely useless at worst, needing the mother to swoop in and explain to the child that "Father means well" and to father "at least you tried".

It's even worse when we hit Disney. Going through Disney's filmography we notice a disturbing trend. Usually the father is perfect but dead (Mufasa, Cinderella's father, Snow White's father), wise but completely out of touch with their children (Chief Powatan, Fa Zhou, King Triton), or what I think is worst, tiny useless man-children (the Sultan, Maurice, and Professor Porter). It's hard to find a father who starts and ends the story in a good place with regards to their children in Disney.

Fictional films I feel are the worst culprit of all, replacing the man-children in the Disney formula with turned evil, the best example of course being Ol' Shiny Head, Darth Vader. Most of the time in film the fathers aren't even mentioned unless they've turned evil or the child is avenging their deaths for one reason or another.

So why do fathers get so much grief?

Really sad to say but that's just what people can relate to most. I want you to try something: Picture all the divorced people you've ever met and tell me how many fathers were granted full-time custody of their kids. I bet that number is pretty low. Now I want you to go through all the married couples you know where the mother goes out to work and the father stays home and takes care of the children. I bet that number is even lower yet.

What we have here is that children get to see their fathers as tired from a long day at work and not wanting to interact, or father barely if present in their lives at all due to the complications of divorce. Writers, who grew up in the same environments we all did, take these life experiences and translate them into their writing, so thus we get a majority of fathers who are absent from their children's lives, or who must be rebelled against or defeated entirely.

This is why I like the video.

I am going to say that not ALL fictional dads are hopeless. In recent years positive father role models have been popping up in fiction. They're small and kept mostly in the background but they exist.

Sitcoms have given us Kurt's father from Glee (Look I don't watch this show that much). His son is gay, and instead of having to do an episode where the homophobic dad learns a lesson, the dad already knows and just wants his son to be happy. He even goes as far as to defend his son against a boy who in some TV shows would've probably been the man's son, an athletic tall straight young man. This is a father who loves his son, not in spite of or because of any socio-cultural factors, but because Kurt's his son.

I can't talk about fathers without bringing up Legend of Korra's Tenzin, the son of Aang. Tenzin has four beautiful children, three of them airbenders, and he not only loves but trusts them implicitly. He trusts them to teach the new airbenders that cropped up this last season. He spends time with his children, including training them in the Air Nomad ways and teaching his son how to train flying lemurs. Tenzin is the son of a man we all knew would make a great father, and has passed that love down to his children.

Disney's even got a good father, in the form of Pacha from Emperor's New Groove. Pacha is fighting tooth and nail to defend his home, not because it's his or because of some property law, but because his family lives there. We sadly don't see much of him with his kids, but what we do see are kids excited to see him and he's just as happy to hear about their days. Plus any family who can defeat an evil sorceress without powers and a bun in the oven has to have a good dad in the mix somewhere.

Last but not least is film. It took me some time to find a father who didn't have to go through a story arc to be a good dad but I found one, though sadly it cracks my rule because the guy ends up dead: Thomas Wayne from Batman Begins. Thomas doesn't judge his son for falling, but teaches him to get back up. He also doesn't judge or shame his son for his fears, but instead shows him compassion. In all the stories written about Batman we almost never get as clear of a glimpse at the Waynes before they die as we do in Batman Begins, and what we do get finally gives us what we need to understand Bruce. He didn't just lose his father, Bruce Wayne lost his dad.

So I am very excited for this Cheerio's commercial, if for nothing else than because it gives us a celebration of fatherhood, and dads everywhere.

-JOE

Learning from the "Other"

There they are.

They may wave a rainbow flag.  They may wear heavy eyeliner, dark make-up, and black clothes.  Maybe they sit quietly to themselves, read books, and wear nose piercings.  Maybe they smoke or drink beer.  They may not be mormon or they may have not been to church in years.

Who are they?

Sometimes we may think of them as the other.  We may not see them as children of our heavenly father but some sort of other species all together.  We may love them but from afar.  Many times we are afraid of them, whoever "they" are.

I'm guilty as anyone as judging others outside of our cultural comfort zone.  Even with my views that I feel challenge the mormon culture social norms, I'll still be afraid of others.  I'll be afraid of being hurt by their opinions and lose myself to inactivity.

I did something different this week.

I thought, "I know where I stand on things.  Would it really hurt to get someone else's perspective?  Am I really afraid of being corrupted?  Isn't to love someone to know them?"

So I read two articles this week.  One was a blog post by a gay gentlemen and the other was a blog post on a male feminist ally.  I was afraid of what I would read even with the confidence I had in my stand in my own opinions.  Funny enough, I actually learned something.  And you want to know what?  I did come to have a feeling of love for these authors just by stepping out of my comfort zone.

I didn't agree with everything I read but I found a lot of common ground with these authors.  The gay author, more or less, argued and warned against codependency in family relationships--especially in romantic ones.  I thought this was actually a great thing to talk about since it is rampant in our society.  The feminist ally talked about things that can be done to become an ally to women.  He talked about great stuff like not objectifying women.  I was afraid that we wouldn't agree on views of masculinity but I found that he had many of the same views that I did.

I learned from someone else's opinion.  I didn't really change my own opinions.  If anything, I actually felt like I was strengthened in them.  I saw how valuable a different perspective was and then I realized how valuable my opinion is.

When Joe and I started this blog 20 months ago, I didn't know what it was going to be about.  I knew I wanted to talk about the silly geeky thoughts I had during Sunday School.  I knew I wanted to talk about geek culture and mormons in geek culture.  As I've written posts for this blog I've come to see how passionate I am about Mormon culture as well.

The LDS culture is very xenophobic.  I don't think we even realize it.  We place such a huge emphasis on the family and we are all about protecting the family.  The thing about this is that fear is a huge part of it.  We are so afraid of anything outside of our bubble that it prevents us from doing missionary work and even living commandments.  Yes, we need resiliency to be faithful but we would be missing out on learning so much if we didn't step outside of that comfortable bubble we've come accustomed to.

This goes both ways too.  Many less active or inactive brothers and sisters still have a very strong relationship to the savior and testimony.  They may have been hurt before and left the church not so much because of the doctrine but because of the culture.  They may be afraid to come back to church because they don't want to be hurt again.  For many of these brothers and sisters, their emotional wounds can go very deep and be very traumatic.  They need our support and love even if they don't come back to church.

Think of the sons of Mosiah.  They went on a mission to the Lamanites.  The Lamanite people had a culture vastly different from the Nephites and had developed a new religion.  If they had always thought of the Lamanites as the "other" they would have never gone to their countries to preach the gospel.  The sons of Mosiah took a very dangerous risk but because they did, thousands came to the gospel.

There may be gays that support gay marriage.  There may be feminists that support safe sex to be taught in schools in addition to abstinence.  There may be a democrat in your ward.  (Gasp!)  But these children of God are not some other species.  They are your brothers and sisters.  Hear them out.  Listen to what they have to say.  Have lunch with them.  Invite them to a game night.  Get to know them and you will love them.

"But Stephen, what about our children?!" some of you may say.  Exactly!  What about our children.  Do we want to raise them to be bigots and make fun of anything different?  Do we want to raise them to be swayed with anything new and to be seduced by wicked traditions and lack resiliency in the outside world?  My cousins were raised in New York City.  They are some of the most loving and accepting individuals I know.  I've trusted them with knowledge about myself before telling the rest of my family.

My younger sister and brother didn't have many rules growing up.  In some ways it made me a little undisciplined but it also showed me that my parents truly trusted me.  They taught us correct principles and we governed ourselves.  It's a scary thought to expose our children to environments and peoples that seem strange to us.  To me, it is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children and I'm thankful for this gift given to me by my parents.

Let me conclude by saying that I'm thankful to have different people in my life.  I see these beautifully imperfect souls who remind me of my own humanity.  They humble me with much I don't know and have given me a gift to serve them with the knowledge I can share.

-Stephen