Friday, October 23, 2020

Joe's Top 10 Family Friendly Movie Monsters

 Monsters, am I right? 

Some of my favorite people are monsters. Some of my favorite character designs are monsters. So let's talk about my favorite movie monsters that can be enjoyed with the entire family!*

*Note: This will not include anime or TV shows whose themes include a monster-of-the-week format, so no Digimon, Pokemon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc. even if they have movies. 

10: Sally

Can we agree that Sally is too good for Jack? He's a skeleton, big whoop, I've killed like a billion of those in Skyrim alone. Sally on the other hand is a living doll stuffed with leaves that can't take damage and can repair herself by stitching herself together, and her detatched limbs can act independently. Plus she's sensible, has premonitions, and isn't afraid to poison her maker like a boss. Among some truly fantastic designs in The Nightmare Before Christmas, Sally is a diamond... In a pile of smaller diamonds... Work with it...

9: William "Billy" Butcherson

As I said in an earlier post, I didn't grow up with Hocus Pocus and so it's not really one of my favorite movies. I like it don't get me wrong, and my favorite part of it is Billy the zombie. The actor is a professionally trained mime and thus brings a caliber of movement to the zombie we usually don't see in the undead. The mouth sewn shut is creepy fun and his outfit is one that I would wear all the time... Maybe after some dry cleaning. 

8: The Bride

We don't see much of the Bride of Frankenstein in Bride of Frankenstein, but what we got became iconic for the last half century. Her awkward movements indicating her recently reanimated body beneath bandages coupled with her intense gaze as though she's angry, frightened and in pain all at the same time makes her far more scary than her beloved. The streak in her hair, a hint at the electricity that brought her to life gives us the iconic female monster. 

7: Smaug

This is becoming a list of movies I don't watch but like one character from, intermixed with me geeking out about female monsters. With that said I hated the Hobbit films. Don't get me started, @ me if you want to argue about it. But what I feel they nailed was Smaug the dragon. Smaug is the OG big bad dragon. He was the template for all the dragons created afterwards in one way or another, and they nailed this guy perfectly. A magnificent fire breathing giant winging across the city causing terror in all who see him, this is a shining point in a very dark wasteland that is the Hobbit series. 

6: Indominous Rex

There's a lot to be said both good and bad about Jurassic World, but nobody can deny how beyond cool the Indominous looks. She can change color, bite through metal and is ready to cause chaos throughout the park. I rooted for this thing throughout the movie, and was sad when they replaced her in the next movie. Coming in close second in this franchise is of course the OG t-rex, who did end up helping take out Indominous, but I got to give this spot to the newcomer. 

5: Basilisk

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was another alright movie, but for me the film picks up once our monster shows up on screen. No, not the Tom Riddle book thing, the basilisk. They build this giant snake thing up so well through the movie, hinting at what it could be and not showing it until the third act, this was a creature of cinematic brilliance. You see this monster uncurl out of Slytherin's mouth and you know it's on. 

4: Dracula and his brides

It's hard to find family friendly vampires. By definition they seduce, eat, and corrupt, but the movie Van Hellsing pulls it off beautifully. The vampires go from lovely Victorian vampires into bat-like monsters at the drop of a hat, making them the terror of Transilvanya. The movie's got some great designs for Frankenstein's monster, werewolves and Mr. Hyde, but the vampires have the most unique and terrifying design. 

3: Judge Doom

Okay full disclosure: As soon as this guy's eyes popped out I was done with this movie. Like little me would leave the room until after he got dipped in acid. I'm of course talking about the antagonist of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the evil toon who killed Eddy Valant's brother and tried to set Roger up for another nefarious murder. He invented the Dip, an acid that is the only thing that can kill toons, which is so disturbing to watch I'm glad we only have to endure it twice. The idea that he was willing to kill all our favorite cartoons makes me shudder to this day. 

2: Doomsday

Another movie that is admittedly bad, Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice for me did have a couple good scenes, but my favorite was when Doomsday showed up and started taking on Wonder Woman. This was an enjoyable battle, even if it didn't make sense and didn't do a lot of justice to the monster from the comic... Why is he on here? Oh yeah, because when he smacks Wonder Woman into a pile of rubble she looks up at him and smiles, which is one of the coolest scenes in all super hero cinema. Yeah, I said it. 

1: The Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man

Ghostbusters had some great monsters, but nothing is more creative or fun than the giant marshmallow monster that stomps through New York. It has no confirmed kills, it doesn't seem to be the most dangerous moster in the world, but it's one that I would love to see march past my windows, and I would be right out on the street after it explodes. Mmm.... Marshmallow goo...

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