Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Top Ten most annoying Disney sidekicks

We haven't discussed Disney in a bit, let's try something a little controversial.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't love all Disney characters, particularly the side characters. Sadly, it's almost a requirement for every Disney movie to have a few talking clocks or thinking snowmen just to sell more toys and add some comic relief. But for me sometimes these characters aren't just annoying, they take away from the quality of the movie. So here's my list of the top ten most annoying Disney sidekicks, and this time they WILL be in order.

10. Cogsworth and Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast
These guys weren't so annoying until I saw a first cut for Beauty and the Beast where none of the furniture could talk. After that every time I saw these two eat up screen time bickering I just got increasingly angry. The only reason they land so low on my list is that "Be Our Guest" is a good song. 

9. Tantor from Tarzan
A scaredy-cat elephant voiced by Newman. He serves no purpose in the plot and that voice just grates on my nerves. Baby Tantor isn't any better, just a higher pitched annoying elephant. I'm just glad this guy didn't get popular, though I would've loved to see the thing get eaten by a Dilophosaurus. 

8. Skippy and his friends from Robin Hood
Here's a great idea: Let's take an awesome high-action idea like Robin Hood done with animals and waste 15-20 minutes messing around with annoying baby critters. All their scene with Maid Marian adds to our plot is that Maid Marian likes Robin Hood, something we could've figured out from knowing that the film was about Robin Hood. 

7. Owl from Winnie the Pooh
I know that his long-winded stories are played for laughs, but every time Owl's on screen I want to hit fast forward. When you have so many fun and high-energy characters bouncing around on screen, slowing down the story for this wind bag makes me want to mount him on my wall. 

6. Pegasus from Hercules
I feel like this character could've been beautiful and elegant like Aladdin's Carpet, but instead we get this weird bro-horse. Pegasus is always laughing or making a face or getting its butt jammed into things, which is supposed to come off as fun but for me it just comes off as Hercules's frat buddy. Maximus from Tangled could be funny without looking hideous. Zeus would've been better off just making Hercules a nice Ford rather than an annoying flying horse. 

5. Timon and Pumbaa from The Lion King
This is probably one of the more debatable choices on this list since so many people love these guys, but for me Timon and Pumbaa are just empty comic relief. Even their song that is so popular with the masses is the worst advice they could have given Simba. There's a story of a prince who was captured by criminals and denied earthly pleasures because of his princely heritage, and honestly these guys are the antithesis of that story. They take Simba away from his birthright and tell him to stop caring about anything that matters. That's a great message to teach kids. 

4. B.E.N. from Treasure Planet
Okay so not a lot of people have seen this movie, which is a shame because the animation, character designs and overall tone for me just seem to work perfectly together. However, the obnoxious robot we have to meet in the third act, B.E.N. is basically a delayed Jar Jar Binks. One of his character traits is that his memory board is missing so he constantly "Acts crazy" because he's malfunctioning, but even when they do find his hard drive or whatever he still acts like an imbecile. Just throw him off the boat and let the vacuum of space deal with him, please. 

3. All the mice in Cinderella
I know mice are part of the original Cinderella story, but Disney decided to take them one step further and give them songs and a major role in the film. Couple that with their high pitched voices and the fact that they devolve a large section of the movie into an episode of Tom and Jerry and you get some universally awful characters. What's sad is that we have a main character that is severely underdeveloped in this film, namely our nameless prince, who could have become a major piece in the story if the mice were dropped. The same thing happened with Snow White but the dwarfs are so entertaining they get a pass, but really, does anyone care about the plight of "Gus Gus"?
2. Dr. Jumba Jookiba from Lilo and Stitch
This guy is almost classified as a villain if the movie hadn't decided for us that he was too weak and replace him with that giant whale man. The problem with Jumba and his weird little buddy is that this film didn't need them to drive up tension. We already had a major obstacle to overcome in the form of Bubbles the social worker threatening to break up the family. Honestly we didn't even need to know that Stitch was a lab experiment and not just an alien. This film could've been like ET and just been about the development of relationship and the meaning of family, but Jumba just has to sit there with his forced conflict and get in the way of our favorite blue alien.

1. The gargoyles from The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Disney made a bold move in trying to adapt this Victor Hugo novel into a fun movie for the whole family, and while so many parts to this film work, the gargoyle sidekicks to Quasimodo do not in any way shape or form. First, they don't make sense in the context of their own reality. We don't see any other evidence of magic or talking things that aren't supposed to be talking in the entire movie, and while the film hints that they are figments of Quasimodo's imagination, in the final battle it's extremely clear that they are helping defend Notre Dame and are real. Second, they have arguably the worst song in a Disney film. Here we have our hero already established to have shame and sadness around his hideous appearance and these three sing a song about how he can get the girl despite being ugly, while still reminding him of how ugly he is. Not only is this incredibly mean spirited, but Quasimodo doesn't even get the girl in the end anyway. So the gargoyles from Hunchback get the worst Disney sidekick award by me for not only annoying me but by putting the final nails into the coffin of the film they were in. I hope that gives them a sense of accomplishment as they remember that people would rather hug a stuffed Quasimodo than any one of them anytime soon. 



  1. Mice and Skippy should be higher, in my opinion. They are plot black holes. D:

  2. Agreed! The mice are annoying, and I wish Lucifer had eaten a few of them.