5 Movie Remakes That Should Happen

 

Image: unkown

People often have an opinion on what movies shouldn’t be remade. For example, if The Princess Bride is remade there will be an apocalypse caused by the fans of the original. There are over 500,000 books being published a year and most of them are not being made into movies/shows. So when I heard that Twilight might be getting the TV show treatment, I snapped a bit.  They've made enough money off of that bestseller. Why not take a risk and try something original? However, there are a few movies that need something better. Here are my top 5 films that deserve a remake.

The Black Cauldron

 

This film was made in 1985 by Walt Disney Productions. To me it was the first film that Disney tried to make a dark animated fantasy film. However, it performed terribly at the box office. With a budget of $44 million they earned $21.3 billion at the box office. 

The movie is based on The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander which follows an “assistant pig-keeper” named Taran who wants to be a hero that wins the battle but ends up discovering that heroes are often overrated, things aren't as black and white as they seem in legends, and glory may not be worth the getting. 

It’s a great series with good romance that still has dark themes that the movie originally desired. However, the movie made the characters seem bland and one dimensional. If a remake of the series happens, they need to make the characters more exciting and relatable like the books. Also, did I mention that it's a series? No more milking the dregs out of a tiny book like Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. This has 5 books, all with stellar plots and different themes.

Also, call the first movie by its proper name. The title The Black Cauldron is technically the second book in the series even though the movie is based on the first book... well, kind of.

I am Legend

I haven’t rewatched this film since I was a teenager, and I was on the hype train of Will-Smith-cannot-make-a-bad-movie. I remember liking the movie, but one question I had that was never answered while watching the movie: Why is it called I am Legend? To my recollection the movie never answered that question. I remember watching the alternative ending when the movie came out on DVD and still had that question.

Well fast forward to 2017 when I read the book for the first time to seek out this lifelong question of mine and I realized that the book is nothing like the movie. In the movie the antagonists are zombies and Will Smith (Robert Neville) is supposedly the last human alive. Come to find out there are more humans alive, and he saves two he met by either sacrificing himself or discovering the intelligence of the zombies and setting them free. 

In the book Robert Neville is the remaining human in an apocalyptic world where the rest of the population turned into vampires. During the day they are inactive and at night they tempt Robert to come out of the secure household to essentially die. He found another human who, in the end, betrays him and sacrifices him to the vampires. I won’t tell you why she does this or why the book is called I am Legend. You can either read it for yourself or wait for the remake.

The original story is different from the movie, and I think they should remake the movie to follow the book.

Treasure Planet

Treasure Island in space: what more reason should their be for a remake? When I watched this movie for the first time I thought it was great. A young boy wanting to explore the galaxy to find the treasure. I was shocked to find out that it didn't do well in the box office. It makes sense---after all these years I don't quite remember what happened. I remember the art and the twist, but most of the individual characters are forgettable. After act one when the twist occurs, the movie became less interesting. 

I believe a remake would make this flop successful. When this movie came out Disney was not doing well with its animated movies. I believe if they remade this movie with their new style of animation it would be more successful and not be known as "the biggest flop in the history of Disney animation."

Van Helsing

Like Will Smith I thought Hugh Jackman couldn't make a bad movie. When I was a child I played with childish things . . . . I liked Van Helsing when I was a child but there is a reason why I don't watch it now. It's just like every other action film that was made in the mid 2000's: a lot of action, poor plot, and bad GGI. 

Luckily times have changed. CGI is better if used correctly and instead of making it an action film make it a mystery. I still would like to see Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing again because he can do no wrong. Make it an origin story of how vampires came to be with Van Helsing investigating a series of people mysteriously disappearing the same way. Then the ending would open up to the Dark Universe (Vampires, Frankenstein, the Mummy, etc). 

Lord of the Rings

Ya, you heard me right Lord of the Rings needs to be remade! The graphics are terrible, they should have done everything in CGI, the cast are all B list actors. Everything needs to be redone for the movie and  Tom Bombadil should be included. . . 

JK. 

What I really want to be remade is The Hobbit. Making a 300 page book into 3 movies is a little ridiculous. The first Hobbit movie was OK, but I want this book to be made into one movie. I want to have the same cast that was used in the movie (They were all great!), take away CGI and use practical effects like Lord of the Rings, remove Legolas and the love story. Most importantly is making sure that the movie is a comedy adventure story instead of an action adventure like the book.

 

Image: J-Humphries

One of the most hilarious scenes that JRR Tolkien wrote happened in The Hobbit.  It happens when Gandalf, Bilbo, and the Dwarfs wanted to rest at Beorn's, an extreme introvert. Beorn doesn't like to have visitors so Gandalf and Bilbo get themselves invited to stay with him for the night. Gandalf tells of his captivating adventure and slowly adds a dwarf in the story. Beorn being so enthralled to the story he didn't mind including more company just to hear how the end of the story. It's a great scene that needs to be in the movie.

There are movies that did well and are being remade. I wish producers would take a chance and remake a flop, than play it safe by remaking a movie that did well. 

What movie would you add to the list?

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5 Disney Movies that Deserve a Remake

 Here's my issue with the latest run of Disney live-action remakes: Why? At one point I'll make a scale of the remakes from best to worst, but suffice it to say I don't get why these particular movies got a remake. Beauty and the Beast: Perfect the first time. Lion King: Perfect the first time. Sleeping Beauty... Okay Malifecent just rocked so I'm fine with that, but there's a few Disney movies that could use a second try, not necessarily live action but another attempt to help some amazing ideas reach their full potential. 

5: Hunchback of Notre Dame

Fun fact 1: Victor Hugo wanted his original novel to be a big hit musical like Les Miserables, but it didn't take off that way. 

Fun fact 2: Disney made a stage musical of this film that was spectacular but sadly did not catch the public's interest like Disney's other Broadway babies. 

Fun fact 3: This is one of my favorite Disney movies, I even have a Disneyland artist drawing of Quasimodo and Funko Pops of Quasimodo and Esmeralda. 

Fun fact 4: While the book didn't turn into a huge play it did help to get Notre Dame cathedral renovated instead of the original plan to tear it down and started a revolution of saving and restoring old buildings instead of demolishing them. 

Fun fact 5: This needs to be remade so bad it hurts. 

4: Meet the Robinsons

Nobody knows about this 2007 film, and frankly seeing the slightly janky animation I don't blame them. The film has all the great Disney tropes, including a great villain, the definition of family, and an orphan gets a happy ending. This film had some parts that made my mother and I cry, something which is hard to do with our jaded Sinicism. Check this out on Disney+ and please please PLEASE pressure Disney into taking another swipe at it. 

3: Brave

A lot of people like Merida from Brave, but ask anyone what Brave was actually about and you'll get a few blank stares. The issue is that the script was rewritten after half the animation was done, so the movie has some issues. They had to do something similar to Frozen, but the rewrites came much earlier in the process so the film was far more coherent. A better script and Merida could get the film she deserves. 

2: Treasure Planet

Scriptwise I wouldn't touch much (Except the annoying robot in the third act, kill him). The live action budget for this one would be out of control, so even an animated remake would be understandable and acceptable. This was another that had a long production history but didn't get it's just due. If the heart could be preserved and the fun world even slightly replicated I would be right there to see it. 

1: Sword in the Stone

Watching this thing as an adult is a sad disappointment. The film is a weird psuedo-magical science lesson based in King Arthur's time. It's just Merlin turning Wart into animals and talking about how they live. I'd want to see something with more story, more characterizations, and just... More... movie. 

Also picture Tim Burton directing this thing and casting Johnny Depp as Merlin. 

-JOE

7 Underrated Disney Movies to Check Out on Disney Plus

Disney Plus launched this week! In honor of their release, I asked David (one of our guest writers and the biggest Disney savant I know) what lesser-known and under appreciated Disney movies people should take advantage of now that they're included in the streaming service.

1. Lady and the Tramp - We've got a new live-action "Lady and the Tramp" with the lauch of Disney+. Before you watch that, go ahead and watch the original cartoon version. It's been out for decades, but it's kind of fallen back into obscurity due to the more popular movies, like the Disney Princesses. But what's not to like? It's a cute romance and its stars are all dogs.

2. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh - This one was my little brother's favorite growing up (his first toy was a plush Tigger). And why not? It's a cute movie made of featurettes that Disney had done prior. Strung together, it's cute and you can chop it up to be watched in sections if you've got a little kid (definitely gonna be using that when my daughter is born). Also, I look forward to taking my daughter on the "Winnie the Pooh" ride at Disneyland/Walt Disney World in a couple years.

3. The Rescuers/The Rescuers Down Under - Long before Frozen 2 was ever thought of, "The Rescuers" got a theatrical sequel. Both movies have a consistent cast of their main characters, Bernard and Miss Bianca. Both movies have lovable characters, heartfelt stories, and freaky villains (probably a bit too realistic, compared to fantastical villains like Jafar or Ursula).

4. The Emperor's New Groove - This is easily one of my favorite movies (top 5 for sure, if not top 3). I have a hard time trusting anyone who hasn't seen "The Emperor's New Groove". Its small cast makes for very solid characters. Sure we have Pacha's family, but other than them we have only four major characters: Kuzco, Pacha, Yzma, and Kronk. I think the best part is that it's nonsensical and just fun to watch. It's also highly quotable, as I've written about previously. -- Also, can we talk about why there STILL isn't an "Emperor's New Groove" roller coaster at Disney yet?
SEE ALSO: "Everyday Use of Emperor's New Groove"

5. Fantasia 2000 - I've never seen "Fantasia 2000", so I asked for David's insight on this movie. Apparently Walt Disney had wanted regular updates of "Fantasia" every few years. So 60 years after the original, Roy Disney (his nephew) promoted this one. We got different animation styles and music, the best (in David's opinion) is the Firebird Suite. It contained realistic animation of animals, a lovable nature sprite, and a horrifying firebird.

6. Treasure Planet - The oversimplified version of this is that it's a science fiction adaption of the novel "Treasure Island". It was done with oil painting backgrounds, making it one of the more expensive animated films. At its heart, it's a story of a troubled boy who becomes a man who learns right from wrong. (Thanks to David for the synopsis of that, since I haven't seen this one in 10 years)

7. The Princess and the Frog - Tiana might be one of the most under appreciated Disney Princesses. I actually never saw this movie until David was my roommate several years ago. It's definitely a big twist on the story of "The Frog Prince". If you're the kind that doesn't care for the Disney Princesses because they're not good role models for young girls, (first off, David will fight you) Tiana is not a typical Disney Princess. She's not helpless. In fact, she's probably too independent and she had to learn to let other people help her. That's something I can definitely take more of in my life.

There are probably dozens of other Disney movies that you need to check out with your new Disney Plus account. Others I might recommend are "Atlantis", "Fun and Fancy Free", "Meet the Robinsons", and "The Great Mouse Detective". Also, thanks to David for consulting with me on this post. Look forward to seeing a new post from him in the near future about a certain Disney Princess's anniversary year.

Top Ten most annoying Disney sidekicks

We haven't discussed Disney in a bit, let's try something a little controversial.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't love all Disney characters, particularly the side characters. Sadly, it's almost a requirement for every Disney movie to have a few talking clocks or thinking snowmen just to sell more toys and add some comic relief. But for me sometimes these characters aren't just annoying, they take away from the quality of the movie. So here's my list of the top ten most annoying Disney sidekicks, and this time they WILL be in order.

10. Cogsworth and Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast

These guys weren't so annoying until I saw a first cut for Beauty and the Beast where none of the furniture could talk. After that every time I saw these two eat up screen time bickering I just got increasingly angry. The only reason they land so low on my list is that "Be Our Guest" is a good song. 

9. Tantor from Tarzan

A scaredy-cat elephant voiced by Newman. He serves no purpose in the plot and that voice just grates on my nerves. Baby Tantor isn't any better, just a higher pitched annoying elephant. I'm just glad this guy didn't get popular, though I would've loved to see the thing get eaten by a Dilophosaurus. 

8. Skippy and his friends from Robin Hood

Here's a great idea: Let's take an awesome high-action idea like Robin Hood done with animals and waste 15-20 minutes messing around with annoying baby critters. All their scene with Maid Marian adds to our plot is that Maid Marian likes Robin Hood, something we could've figured out from knowing that the film was about Robin Hood. 

7. Owl from Winnie the Pooh

I know that his long-winded stories are played for laughs, but every time Owl's on screen I want to hit fast forward. When you have so many fun and high-energy characters bouncing around on screen, slowing down the story for this wind bag makes me want to mount him on my wall. 

6. Pegasus from Hercules

I feel like this character could've been beautiful and elegant like Aladdin's Carpet, but instead we get this weird bro-horse. Pegasus is always laughing or making a face or getting its butt jammed into things, which is supposed to come off as fun but for me it just comes off as Hercules's frat buddy. Maximus from Tangled could be funny without looking hideous. Zeus would've been better off just making Hercules a nice Ford rather than an annoying flying horse. 

5. Timon and Pumbaa from The Lion King

This is probably one of the more debatable choices on this list since so many people love these guys, but for me Timon and Pumbaa are just empty comic relief. Even their song that is so popular with the masses is the worst advice they could have given Simba. There's a story of a prince who was captured by criminals and denied earthly pleasures because of his princely heritage, and honestly these guys are the antithesis of that story. They take Simba away from his birthright and tell him to stop caring about anything that matters. That's a great message to teach kids. 

4. B.E.N. from Treasure Planet

Okay so not a lot of people have seen this movie, which is a shame because the animation, character designs and overall tone for me just seem to work perfectly together. However, the obnoxious robot we have to meet in the third act, B.E.N. is basically a delayed Jar Jar Binks. One of his character traits is that his memory board is missing so he constantly "Acts crazy" because he's malfunctioning, but even when they do find his hard drive or whatever he still acts like an imbecile. Just throw him off the boat and let the vacuum of space deal with him, please. 

3. All the mice in Cinderella

I know mice are part of the original Cinderella story, but Disney decided to take them one step further and give them songs and a major role in the film. Couple that with their high pitched voices and the fact that they devolve a large section of the movie into an episode of Tom and Jerry and you get some universally awful characters. What's sad is that we have a main character that is severely underdeveloped in this film, namely our nameless prince, who could have become a major piece in the story if the mice were dropped. The same thing happened with Snow White but the dwarfs are so entertaining they get a pass, but really, does anyone care about the plight of "Gus Gus"?

2. Dr. Jumba Jookiba from Lilo and Stitch

This guy is almost classified as a villain if the movie hadn't decided for us that he was too weak and replace him with that giant whale man. The problem with Jumba and his weird little buddy is that this film didn't need them to drive up tension. We already had a major obstacle to overcome in the form of Bubbles the social worker threatening to break up the family. Honestly we didn't even need to know that Stitch was a lab experiment and not just an alien. This film could've been like ET and just been about the development of relationship and the meaning of family, but Jumba just has to sit there with his forced conflict and get in the way of our favorite blue alien.

1. The gargoyles from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Disney made a bold move in trying to adapt this Victor Hugo novel into a fun movie for the whole family, and while so many parts to this film work, the gargoyle sidekicks to Quasimodo do not in any way shape or form. First, they don't make sense in the context of their own reality. We don't see any other evidence of magic or talking things that aren't supposed to be talking in the entire movie, and while the film hints that they are figments of Quasimodo's imagination, in the final battle it's extremely clear that they are helping defend Notre Dame and are real. Second, they have arguably the worst song in a Disney film. Here we have our hero already established to have shame and sadness around his hideous appearance and these three sing a song about how he can get the girl despite being ugly, while still reminding him of how ugly he is. Not only is this incredibly mean spirited, but Quasimodo doesn't even get the girl in the end anyway. So the gargoyles from Hunchback get the worst Disney sidekick award by me for not only annoying me but by putting the final nails into the coffin of the film they were in. I hope that gives them a sense of accomplishment as they remember that people would rather hug a stuffed Quasimodo than any one of them anytime soon. 

-JOE