D&D Class Breakdown: Fighter

 For new players, it can be hard to choose your first class. For veteran players, it can be hard to choose a class and not fall into stereotypes everyone's seen a thousand times. So now I'm going to deconstruct the 5E Player's Handbook classes (Sorry Artificer, you'll come later) and talk about what works, what doesn't, and some interesting ways to play the classes. 

I won't be going into game mechanics as much as I'll be going into roleplay. 

Let's talk about Fighters! 

What is a Fighter? 

...What isn't a fighter? Historically a fighter is just anyone who makes a career out of knowing how to fight another human. Soldiers, mercenaries, guards, militiamen, cops, bouncers... The list goes on. Every society has needed someone who knows how to use a weapon to defend or attack. Specialized fighters, like the Spartans or samurai, are fighters but are focused on a specific form of fighting. The biggest focus is that the fighter is set to combat other humans, as opposed to animals, who they can still take on, or supernatural threats, which they can try and help but are usually left up to more spiritual leaders. 

In the Game

Dungeons and Dragons fighters are the same way. They represent career warriors who are fighting for whatever reason. Usually the fighter is the class chosen by players who want to be in the combat without the complications of spells or a ton of special abilities, like sneak attack or transforming powers. Some fighter subclasses, like the eldrich knight or the arcane archer, utilize some spells and magic in their combat, but this is usually little more than extra defense or giving attacks specific energy enhancements to break through more specialized monsters. 

The typical fighter player is some sort of ex soldier turned mercenary, out for vengeance against whatever or whoever killed his (insert relationship here). Occasionally you get the grizzled Ronin who wanders with a sword and a need to set right what's wrong with the world, or the grizzled world-weary traveler whose been in the game long enough to know that adventuring isn't about saving the day, sometimes it's just about saving your skin as they light up another cigar and stare into the distance. 

Breaking the Trope

For a class with so much variation in real life, it's surprising that it usually only gets played as grizzled and ornery, like they all have to be stock cowboys. With the range of motivation people have to fight throughout history, here are a few ideas to make the fighter more than the soldier of fortune. 

Dad Fighter

Usually adventurers in general only have families to either die tragically before the game starts or to show up as a bad guy Darth Vader style later on. What if the fighter has a happy family somewhere-wife, kids, mom, whatever, and the adventurer life is a way to bring in money? There's good money to be found in dungeons and random monsters, and this is just his 9-5 job. He sends gold and trinkets back to the wife and kids, and bugs anyone he can with stories about how little Susanna loves carrots while he stops the big bad guy from flooding the world with evil. 

Geek Fighter

This fighter's goal is to see if they can fight one of everything in the Monster Manual. They are constantly out for that last piece of bone or that trinket to complete their collection. They have a bag full of swords from all the bandits they've killed, and a necklace full of teeth from all the wolves they've taken down. Saving the world is great and all but if they could just get that red dragon tooth, and hay, if they kill the thing the world is saved so win-win. 

Hero

To go down in legend, to be part of the bard's song, to be known throughout the world as a great champion, this is what the hero aspires to. They want to be admired, they want to be remembered, and they want to be a legend. They will do whatever they can to do so. Think Joxer the Mighty from Xena, Warrior Princess and for those not in their mid 30's think of Hercules from Disney's Hercules. 

Famous Fighters

Porter Rockwell

I don't think I've ever had a real life example on this series! Porter Rockwell was the bodyguard of Joseph Smith and later Brigham Young. He's quoted as saying "I never killed anyone that didn't need killing", and he reportedly killed a lot of people as the protector of the prophets. He knew what he was good at and did it to serve. 

Chewbacca (Star Wars) 

Anytime we see Chewie in a fight he's either driving something, shooting his laser crossbow, or yeeting people off the nearest cliff. While some may argue barbarian, he's never in a wild uncontrollable fury like his fellow countryman, Krrsantan from Book of Boba Fett, who got drunk, lost control, and tore a guy's arms off. Chewbacca has more control. 

Jayne Cobb (Firefly)

Jayne is the muscle of the Serenity. A thug who works for the highest bidder, his only skill he brings to any table is his ability to fight anybody he's pointed at. Jayne is an excellent marksman, knows how to brawl in hand-to-hand, and can take a hit without barely batting an eye, just by being meaner than whatever hit him. 

-JOE

Check out the other D&D Classes as well: Barbarian, Bard, Cleric, Druid

D&D Class Breakdown: Cleric

 For new players, it can be hard to choose your first class. For veteran players, it can be hard to choose a class and not fall into stereotypes everyone's seen a thousand times. So now I'm going to deconstruct the 5E Player's Handbook classes (Sorry Artificer, you'll come later) and talk about what works, what doesn't, and some interesting ways to play the classes. 

I won't be going into game mechanics as much as I'll be going into roleplay. 

Let's talk about Clerics! 

(Hay look, it's a class that isn't automatically problematic!)

What is a Cleric?

The cleric class is based on the stories of saints, prophets and religious heroes. While not directly representing any one religion or philosophy, the cleric is the hero who has curried favor with the divine to heal the sick, see the future, and other miracles in the name of deity. 

In Dungeons and Dragons clerics are the main healers in the game. Equipped with a plethora of buff/debuff spells plus the ability to spontaneously heal allies makes them a need for any adventuring group. 

In the Game

Every deity in Dungeons and Dragons has clerics to worship them and teach others their ways. Technically more administrative than the paladin, the cleric's main role is to help others learn and live the tenants of their faith, like missionaries in full plate armor. The zealotry of the cleric differs based on the cleric and the religion. Some have more of a live-and-let-live vibe, while others will attack anything evil or unholy with a righteous zeal. 

The biggest issue with the cleric in game is differentiating their role from the paladin. While both are great in combat, both can heal and both have religious bends to them, the main difference is that paladins are more combat focused, whereas clerics are more utility. Paladin is a massive hammer where clerics are a pocket tool brimming with gadgets. 

While not immediately problematic, the cleric can have issues both in roleplay and in character design. The biggest problem is the same problem author Rick Riordan had when writing the Percy Jackson series. In his novels he wrote about a cult that worshipped Hera in modern day, not knowing that they're were groups that do worship Hera in the real world who took issue with their depiction.  Most deities and religions in Dungeons and Dragons are made up by writers for the game and their accompanying fictions but some players like to either make overt references to real religions or wholeheartedly use ancient gods and practices in game. This can be offensive to someone who truly does believe in Thor when a player is a Thor worshipper. Others can be offended if the evil cult the group is trying to stop is a thinly veiled euphemism for their own religion. Remember when in doubt, err on the side of sensitivity to others. 

As for in game I am going to break my own rules for a moment and talk about gameplay. Many players think of the healer in the group as the skinny kind in the back of the party casting healing spells and trying to stay out of combat. While, admittedly, this is a valid way to play the class it doesn't have to be the only way. Clerics can wear full armor with no penalty to their spellcasting and have several spells to enhance their own damage or armor at a moment's notice. It's not only possible, but almost game breaking to play a fully realized battle cleric, who wades into the thick of battle with the rest of the group and heals his fallen comrades as they fall next to him. 

Breaking the Trope

Besides the aforementioned tank/Cleric I mentioned, there's almost endless ways to be the party healer. Here's just a few ideas: 

The Missionary: The cleric can act as a missionary for their faith, traveling the world to spread the word. They'll stand in the middle of the town square and preach their teachings to the masses, sending them to temples and churches to join in the great work. For extra fun flavor, have two characters be missionaries and go straight up tracting through Baldur's Gate. 

The Crusader: Great for multiclassing into ranger, the cleric is on a holy quest to vanquish some evil from the land. Make it as general as destroying all undead or as specific to challenging an evil organization or kingdom. Just remember: Don't be a jerk if someone else at the table is going to be something you hunt. Either find a way to loophole that character to be fine or just play as something else. 

The Party Cleric: Most clerics choose either a righteous deity like Bahamut or some battle deity like Tempus, but why not choose something unusual? Why not Yondalla, goddess of halflings and have part of your duties be eating second breakfast? Or be a worshipper of Mielikki goddess of the forest and focus on the protection of nature? You could even ask the DM if you could have a homebrewed deity that resembles someone along the lines of Baccus the Greek god of wine and celebrations, or Loki the Norse trickster god? Mix it up and try something less holy by western standards and more wild. Then imagine what church is like for Baccus worshippers. 

Famous Clerics

Fiction has healers and it has religious characters but rarely do they meet. That being said, here's a few of them. 

Pike Trickfoot (Critical Role)

Starting off with once again Critical Role is the gnome cleric Pike. Despite her size she has demonstrated immense power in her service to the Everlight and is usually the one to patch up the heroes after a fight or if needs be drag them back from the dead. 

Shepard Book (Firefly)

While not a healer in the traditonal fantasy sense, Shepard Book is a man who does gain power from his faith, and knows how to patch up a wound when needs be. He helps heal the lost and broken River Tam as she recovers from her time being experimented on, and he keeps the crews spirits in line even if they don't all see his doctrinal point of view. 

Dr. Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

(Yes you can pretty much put any doctor from Star Trek in here but Beverly is my favorite so if you don't like it just insert Bones, Bashier, or The Doctor in here)

On the opposite side from Shepard Book is Dr. Crusher, a scientist who with the tools of the Star Trek universe can heal nearly any injury in the time it takes most people to tie their shoes. If you replace "I sense" with "My tricorder indicates" and "I cast Cure Wounds" with "Hand me the tissue regenerator" she could easily be any party's cleric. 

-JOE

Check out the other D&D Classes as well: Barbarian, Bard, Druid, Fighter

Best Board Games of 10 Franchises

Board games have replaced video games in the thing that franchises tack their names onto for a cheap cash grab. Rather than making a Dark Alliance clone with Superman or a Age of Empires knock-off with Star Wars now they just make endless versions of Monopoly. However, from the bog of board game cash grabs some true gems have surfaced that not only enhance their franchise but enhance the board game scene in general to a whole new level.

Without further ado, here are some of them. 

The Walking Dead: The Board Game

Fair warning: Most of these are going to be "Insert Franchise Here-The Board Game", but don't let the lack of creativity in the title fool you: This is The Walking Dead. Based off the original comic of the same name, you have to find survivors, supplies and a safe place to live while the zombie hoards close in around you. There's a feeling of tension when you are facing a challenge with a zombie and have to decide weather to use a bullet to win the challenge and potentially attract a zombie Mardi Gras to you or lose a valuable ally to the hoard. 

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Battle

I've argued for years that nobody wants to be Harry Potter, they just want to be in the wizarding world as a wizard... wizarding... This game puts a hairline fracture in my theory though as you get to be the titular wizard and his friends taking on the challenges from the books year by year until the ultimate confrontation with ol' Rhinoplasty himself. This is a deck building game that gets incrementally harder as you advance, making this game a must-have for board game enthusiasts and Potterheads alike. 

A Game of Thrones: The Board Game

Based on the books (Don't worry-nudity not included) players get to take on the heads of the various lords of Westeros as they struggle for control of the Iron Throne. Playing like an advanced form of Risk, power and politics are huge roles in the turn-by-turn gameplay, keeping the victor a surprise till the very end. Remember when you play the game of thrones you win or you die. 

Rick & Morty: Meeseeks Box o' Fun Dice and Dares

Making a board game based on the wacky adventures of Rick and Morty would probably be impossible, so instead you get a box where the wackiness is brought into our world through insane dares with the help of the friendly Meeseeks. The game is best played late at night with VERY good friends and under the promise that anything that happens in the Meeseeks box, stays in the Meeseeks box. I'm Mr.Meeseeks look at me! 

Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game

Fun fact: Before the movies Marvel was a massive comic book franchise populated by literally hundreds of characters and thousands of volumes. To reenact this we have Legendary, a game with literally millions of possibilities for scenarios. Choose your favorite heroes and villains from Marvel's vast catalog (Usually from having to purchase expansions), pick a scenario and off you go. Wanna recreate the Dark Phoenix Saga with the original X-Men that participated? Go for it. Wanna engineer a scenario where Kingpin is hosting a Kree invasion and Devil Dinosaur and Bucky have teamed up to stop him? Sure, why not? You can literally make whatever game you want. Literally. 

Star Wars: Rebellion

Interesting thing about board games with existing franchises: It seems that the pulling back on the characters and giving players the experience of the characters world is more fun than actually being the characters themselves and trying to have their adventures. Rebellion could have a complete makeover with different characters and pieces and it would still feel like Star Wars because the basic struggle is there. One side plays the Empire with the goal of hunting down and destroying the rebels and the other plays the rebels with the goal of hiding from the empire long enough for the galaxy to make the Empire give up. The films themselves are referenced and used as the assets but the players choices drive the game. Sick of the rebels gathering supplies from Tattooine? Use the Death Star to blow it up. There is nothing in gaming more satisfying than using the Death Star to take out a world, and I recommend it to anyone who's having a bad day. 

DC Deck Building Game

Of all the games on this list this one requires the most qualifying statements. DC Deck Building is the best as long as you play co-op. The base game is good mechanically. It's fun, fast paced, and easy to get into for anyone who isn't into board games BUT the DC ascetic doesn't add anything to the game.In co-op mode, where the players are trying to stop a group of villains, the game takes on its super hero identity and lets the players feel more like a group of heroes taking down a dastardly fiend (Or a group of villains taking out the Justice League if you buy my favorite expansion) and the game really takes on its shine. Pick it up if you love DC and board games but don't expect to get a happy marriage until you team up with others. Sadly, despite the qualifications, this is still the best DC board game ever made. 

Firefly: The Game

Joss Whedon's magnum opus is done justice in this magnificent board game. This is another where the concept is more important than playing through the actual adventures from the TV show. Each player gets their own ship and crew and have to travel the 'verse to try and make a living without getting hit up by the Alliance or the dreaded Reavers. Do you take the easy routes with the steady pay and low risk, or do you try to cross the system with a ship full of fugitives for one big pay off? The choice is yours. Also there's space ships. 

Lords of Waterdeep

Based in the Forgotten Realms, which is based in Dungeons and Dragons (Follow that? Good.), Lords of Waterdeep takes the fantasy adventurer concept to a new level by making the adventurers little colored blocks. The players, representing the titular lords, hire groups and send them on adventures for their own glory, making the players the quest givers rather than quest takers. Wealth is then used to improve the city and hire better adventurers. The whole thing is an interesting twist on the genre and yet still feels like a Dungeons and Dragons game with adventures and twists abound. 

Star Trek Deck Building Game: Next Generation

It was hard to choose between this and Star Trek Catan but in the end it was either a reprint of an excellent game or a flawed but unique game that had more Star Trek flavoring to it and this is definitely in the latter. Players take the roles of Starfleet captains, building their decks to defend the Federation from threats. The game is a bit more slow than most deck building games but after a while becomes quite intuitive. Now the best part of this game is the co-op modes, where you can either take on the Klingons, the Romulans or (my favorite) the Borg, each with unique challenges and each are a ton of fun to play. 

Have you played any of these? 

Joe

The Quiet Power of Inara Serra

The legendary TV series Firefly brought us over a dozen incredible characters, but the hardest to understand yet arguably strongest is the companion Inara. Despite her controversial career choice, she is the voice of comfort, wisdom and the matriarch of the Serenity's crew.

*If you haven't seen Firefly spoilers and also what's wrong with you? Seriously, get your life together and watch it.*

Inara is a companion. In the Firefly universe this essentially means a high priced prostitute, but she is so much more than that. Inara is a lady in every sense of the word. Trained not only in the physical aspects of her job, she is also well versed in the art of conversation, tea service, and socializing. She frequently mingles with the upper crust of society, honored and accepted in her station and even envied for her lifestyle. She works from the Serenity as a way to expand her clientele and see what the universe has to offer, converting one of the shuttles into her own private lounge.

Inara's strength doesn't come from her ability to fly a ship or shoot a gun, but from the pure feminine energy she extrudes in every aspect of her being. Her cabin is a drastic contrast to the rest of the ship, decorated in silks and cushions, making it a soft welcoming place, as opposed to the hard edges and metals in the rest of the ship. She speaks gently whenever she talks, even in anger or frustration, using her force of will rather than volume to defend her space.

Her relationships with her shipmates are as diverse as the crew itself. With Kaylee she acts as an older sister, with River she becomes a mother. With Jayne she's more of a scolding nanny and most interestingly besides her psudeo love interest is her relationship with Shepard Book. Shepard in this context is a traveling minister for a vaguely unexplored Christian denomination, and when he first meets Inara both seem slightly standoffish, as their professions seem to be polar opposites. They quickly grow to see the wisdom in each other's council, and form a mutual respect in one another, sometimes even appearing as the only sane people on the ship.

Inara-focused episodes don't break out into her firing a gun or chasing down a spaceship. They focus mainly on her place as a companion and what that relationship brings out in others. The most notable episode featuring this is Jaynestown, where a wealthy merchant hires her as a companion for his son, with the hope to "Make him a man" by taking his virginity.

Inara, in true form, performs her job but explains to the young man that what they did does not make him a man, and that it's not her place to do so. She helps him navigate his complex feelings of masculinity and his relationship with his father, helping him see that weather or not he is a man is up to him, not up to his father or society. He defines his masculinity, which ties into the other characters conflict and ends up saving the day.

It's easy to say Inara is a throw-away character by hearing her profession described. Most prostitute characters are played purely for laughs, occasionally as tragic characters like Les Miserables Fantine, but rarely are they painted as people to respect or admire. In Firefly's short lifetime we met a strong fascinating woman that exemplified femininity, not despite her profession but because of it, making her one of fiction's strongest women.

Top Ten Best Fantasy Worlds to Live In

10. Dinotopia
I've talked about this before, but the Dinotopia series features a fantastic world where sentient dinosaurs work side by side with humans in a utopian society (Dinosaur Utopia- get it?). Helping this fantasy is of course the beautiful scenes painted in the children's books of massive ancient cities and people just having fun side by side with dinosaurs.

9. Oz

Yes, they'res a Wicked Witch. And Yes, there's the Rollers, those scary things from Return to Oz, but if you ever read the books, Oz is less of a villain of the week place but is usually an incredibly peaceful place ruled by benevolent magic users with a great transportation system running through it.

8. Harry Potter Universe
Yes, again, there's evil here. But overall, it's kept in check by a massive community of witches and wizards. Reading the Harry Potter books made thousands of kids want to go to Hogwarts, even if they were far over the age of ten. Fun fact: The reason most of us didn't get our Hogwarts letters was because Voldemort wiped out all the Ministry's records of Muggle-Born wizards and witches born from 1985-1998.

7. Pokemon World
It doesn't really matter what age you are, who wouldn't want a team of cute animals as your friends and weapons of destruction? The Pokemon world, when not threatened by global disasters thanks to idiots in matching berets, is a place where you get to own and train Pokemon. I won't lie, if I had the chance I'd be a Pokemon trainer in a second.

6. Animal Crossing World

For those who haven't played the video game, pretend you run a small town in the world of Zootopia. Everyone gets along and as mayor you make most of the town income from fishing and picking apples. It's like being on a vacation all the time with your animal buddies, where the hardest decision you have to make is how to decorate your house.

5. Star Trek
Yes there's wars, but for the most part the United Federation of Planets is a Utopian society where anyone can literally be anything. Artistic and scientific pursuits are seen as equal, especially since money has become a thing of the past. Travel to the most distant stars or settle down at your personal vineyard, your future is yours.

4. Firefly Universe

Joss Whedon's Firefly universe is a lot like the Star Trek universe, but its a little more earthy and real feeling. Money is still around, but some argue that it's what makes the adventure even more sweet. Just grab a Firefly class ship and keep flyin'.

3. Avatar Universe

No, not the blue people. Avatar the Last Airbender universe. Imagine a world where half the population is born with the ability to manipulate the elements. Even if you're not a bender, you can still kick major butt. Plus if you start where Legend of Korra left off, there's a whole new world of spirits to meet and explore.

2. Every Studio Ghibli World (Except Mononoke)

Studio Ghibli worlds are full of whim and beauty that only the master Anime director can imagine. I clarify not the Princess Mononoke world because that world is just depressing, but could you imagine working at the bath house in Spirited Away? How about Totoro helping your garden? Or maybe traveling in a moving castle? Where could you go wrong?

1. Looney Tunes Universe
From its conception, the Looney Tunes world has been one I've always wanted to live in. Nobody dies, even from a direct gunshot to the face. You just turn your bill back to the front of your face and you're good to go. Play with the characters that brightened up your childhood? Yeah, I'm in.

Joe's Board Game Reviews: Firefly

I know we've talked about Firefly a lot on this blog, but it's only because this thing is one of the most awesome things ever. Now I review the board game.
-JOE
P.S. what board games have you played that are based on a TV show or movie that you've liked?

Ten TV shows that need to come back

I was watching one of my favorite internet people yesterday (Click here to check out the video)

and he was talking about ten franchises he’d like to see rebooted. This idea was intriguing to me, considering most of my favorite TV shows are now off the air as well as anything like them. Now I’m not saying these things should be dragged out like the Simpson’s was, I’m just saying that seeing a newer, modern version would probably be better than most of the nonsense flooding the airwaves right now. So I’m going to offer my list (In no particular order) of the top 10 TV shows I’d like to see come back.

10: Star Trek

Yeah yeah I know JJ Abrams is doing a fantastic job with Star Trek in film, but where’s the TV series? Star Trek is more than high-budget graphics and seeing Chris Pine take off his pants, it’s about adventures in space, meeting interesting societies, and boldly going where no one has gone before. Abrams did us a favor in giving us an alternate timeline to work with, so why isn’t anyone working with it?

9: Gargoyles

Does anyone remember this show? It had half the cast of Star Trek: TNG doing voices for it and was Disney’s answer to Batman (We’ll get

to him in a sec.). This cartoon did something most cartoons these days are afraid to do: It gave kids the credit that they could take complex storylines and characters without them needing to be watered down. Gargoyles was a fun, unique show with a great premise with some of my favorite characters growing up. This thing would look so great today!

8: Firefly

Duh.

7: Justice League universe

It started with Batman: The Animated Series, then went into Superman, then Justice League and Justice League Unlimited, with offshoots Static Shock and Batman Beyond to round it off. I know Universe got a bit wonky near the end, especially when it served only to show off obscure DC characte

rs people stopped caring about around the time the Berlin wall fell, but for a minute we had a massive cartoon universe with all the DC characters running around being awesome. What have we got now? DC is releasing YET ANOTHER Batman cartoon. DC, face facts: You’re not going to make anything better than Batman TAS, stop trying to remake him and focus on the rest of your universe.

6: Daria

I have a special place in my heart for Daria. She was kind of the voice of my generation: A disenfranchised youth who just wanted to escape the nonsense of high school and get on with real life.

Daria is one of my first inspirations to become a writer, and her witty sarcasm got me through a lot of hard times in school. I’d love to see her view of the world now, with social media, blogging, and super advanced cell phones… Though I may feel guilty if I end up disappointing my hero.

5: The Andy Griffith Show

Here’s an oldie: A small town cop helping the citizens get out of wacky adventures. If they can’t bring back Andy Griffith, I’d like to see at least SOMETHING come up that’s wholesome for the family to watch. We had Touched By An Angel for a while, but even that got painfully cheesy at times. Right now we have Once Upon A Time, but that thing can make Days of Our Lives look like a simple storyline. What happened to TV you can just watch with your family without a flowchart on hand to understand what’s going on?

4: Ghostbusters

The Ghostbusters cartoon used the movie as a jumping off point to launch into what I feel is the only logical step for the franchise: Having the Ghostbusters go through wacky adventures with ghosts. The show was well written and the dialogue captured the heart of the original four, plus I can’t argue with a show that would shamelessly have someone riding a roller coaster in order to fight Cthuhlu. This cartoon was just beyond awesome and is something else I’d love to see rendered with a touch of the modern.

3: A GOOD Anime

Is there any good anime on right now? When I do flip through the channels I seem to keep finding the latest version of Yu-Gi-Oh! and some knock-off of the same. Where’s Cowboy Bebop? Where’s Fullmetal Alchemist? Whatever happened to that gal who was always with the guy with cat ears? Sure it’s premise was dumb but at least the animation was above par.

2: MST3K

I know Mystery Science Theater 3000 has found new life online supplying audio commentaries to the

masses, but why don’t these people still have a show? MST3K to me was one of the funniest things on TV, and I know that if they brought it back and put it on a channel you don’t have to pay more than your house for, it would get more laughs than How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory or Two and A Half Men combined. In one night. Compared to each of their entire runs.

1: Muppets

The Muppets got their start on TV, first on Sesame Street then on The Muppet Show for several years, and both were delightful. Youtube some of the old skits from the Muppet Show if you don’t know what I mean and I guarantee you’ll fall in love. The Muppets last movie, The Muppets, is about the Muppets returning to their roots, and I think a return to TV would be the next logical step, and I guarantee a massive fan turnout if the trailers featured “Pigs in Space”. 

Joe's top ten best Geek romances

Hay, guess what tomorrow is? Valentine’s day! And while you’re either getting ready to take your sweetheart out on the town or stay home, eat a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and cry, this list ought to put you in the right mood to do either on this fake holiday invented by girlfriends in order to get chocolate. So here it is, Joe’s top ten romances in geekdom. Enjoy!

10: Mario, Peach, Link, and Zelda from Nintendo

This is just on the list so I don’t have to hear about it later. I put both couples in the same place because it’s the same relationship. Every year or so Link and Mario trek across an increasingly visually appealing landscape to save their respective princesses from the bad guys. It says something to devotion when these characters are willing to go through the same thing over and over again for the women they love, though it could just be a sign of insanity.

9: Wash and Zoey from Firefly

I know some people are going to be disappointed that Mal and Inara aren’t on this list, but unfortunately the brevity of Firefly made it so that they’re attraction never really developed past a spark. Wash and Zoey on the other hand got some time to develop their love for each other. Like Roger and Jessica, they seem completely mismatched, but also like the cartoons they’re completely devoted to each other at the end of the day, even to the point of risking their lives with each other. In my saddest deaths post I discussed where there relationship end up, and to me it only cements them in my heart as one of the cutest, and saddest, couples.

8: Batman and Catwoman

The Batman story has too many writers and too many interpretations, putting Catwoman on any given day as a villain, a friendly ally, flirtatious tease, to true love for the Caped Crusader. Generally though, they have a certain bad-girl-good-guy chemistry that’s just irresistible  They've rescued each other more than they've battled at this point, and you always know whenever Batman and Catwoman team up the furs going to fly.

7: Homer and Marge Simpson

Say what you will about the Simpsons, at the end of the day they showed how a marriage can endure anything. These high school sweethearts married after Marge got pregnant with Bart, but they've shown that these two would've ended up together no matter what. No matter what ridiculous situation Homer gets into, his biggest concern is always to try and make Marge happy, and when she isn't he’ll move heaven and earth to put a smile on her face again. Marge has defended her husband dozens of times to her cynical sisters, saying that despite his flaws he really is a good man, and Homer would give Marge the world if he could. Although the show has gone through controversy and arguably isn't currently working with its best material, at least you can say it showed us a beautiful example of true love.

6: Tony Stark and Pepper Potts from the Marvel Universe films

Okay, I admit it, I don’t know a whole ton about Marvel. I’d do something from the X-Men, but honestly even Scott and Jean’s relationship seems a bit weird, and I can’t really say anything about Rogue and Gambit since theirs is problematic at best, but I love what Robert Downy Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow have done with the characters. These two aren't the cheesy super hero one-rescues-another model. Pepper is more than capable of staying out of trouble, and serves as a voice of reason to the millionaire playboy. I like how their romance has room to bloom in the films, and how in the Avengers Pepper is the one Tony calls when he’s not sure he’ll make it. Marvel has worked hard at making their super hero films great, and this relationship is proof.

5: Snow and Charming from Once Upon a Time

I've talked about this one before too, but I just had to mention them. These two go through one nightmare after another for each other, and they always end up together. This is another relationship that’s nice to see develop, especially when they start out enemies. I also love that no matter how hard the evil queen Regina tries, she can never keep these two lovebirds separated for long, proving that love truly is the greatest magic of all.

4: Rick and Lori Grimes from The Walking Dead

Before the first walker ate somebody, their relationship admittedly had problems. But considering what Rick goes through just to find his wife and child, I’d say there’s definitely devotion going on here. Weather in the comic books or the TV show, their reunion brings tears to my eyes, as they are both so relieved that the other isn’t dead. Rick is even able to forgive Lori of her indiscretions, and does everything he can to keep her safe throughout the zombie apocalypse.

3: Roger and Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Say what you will about this saucy redhead and her silly rabbit of a husband, but this relationship was probably one of the best parts of the movie. Both Roger and Jessica go to any lengths to protect the other from harm, including posing for “dirty” pictures and holding a judge at gunpoint. One of my favorite lines is when Jessica is asked what she sees in that guy, referring to the wanna-be Looney Tune, only to answer “he makes me laugh”. Let’s face it, sometimes that’s all you need.

2: Han Solo and Princess Leja from Star Wars

I love these two! They start off hating each other, in fact Han didn't even want to rescue her at first, and they end up together. First off, I love how that annoying Luke Skywalker didn't get the girl, and second, I love how this relationship doesn't even develop into romance until halfway through the second film. These days in movies it’s enough time to fall in love, get married, and have an obnoxious kid get kidnapped. The now famous “I love you” “I know” line is epic, and shows their relationship to a tee, with Han knowing flat out that it was just a matter of time before they got together. I also love how, like Batman and Catwoman, they take turns rescuing each other, showing that there is now weak link in this chain.

1: Severus Snape and Lily Potter from Harry Potter

An unusual pick I know, but let me explain: I've mentioned several times that I like it when the relationship has time to develop, and this thing had seven books (or 8 movies) to develop, completely unknown until almost the very end of the story, where every one of Snape’s wicked and hurtful actions are all explained in one concept: he’s heartbroken. It’s not the romance that happened; it’s the fact that it didn't that makes me love this one the most. Snape is a good guy, just as good as Dumbledore or Harry, but being the happy good guy isn't his thing. He’s bitter and angry at the world for letting the love of his life go with his worst enemy, and then forcing him to teach and prepare their son to fight the man that took his beloved’s life away. Then he dies, so he can save Lily’s son, the son of the man he hates and the woman he loves, and fulfills his destiny. Now that’s romantic! 

-JOE

Joe's Top 10 Saddest Deaths in Geekdom

With all the billions of bullets and swings of a sword throughout geekdom, death can become cheap and lose weight to it. In reality, every life is precious and every death is someone's loved one returning to their Father in Heaven. Even though they're fictional, storytellers can make a characters death weigh on us as though we actually knew them. When the tears well up, the heart aches, and the "Noooo!" comes from our lips, we know the story has hit a new high. So here's my top ten saddest deaths in geekdom, the stories that brought a tear to my eye and a tug at my heart.
WARNING: SPOILERS

10: Zaknafein from The Legend of Drizzt Book 1: Homeland
LONG story short: There's a race of evil elves that live deep underground called the Drow. They're cruel, vicious, and value power and greed over love, kindness and respect. By their laws, a murderer is executed immediately if found out, not for taking another's life, but for being stupid enough to get caught. Into this society is born Drizzt, a young Drow born with the rare gift of a conscience. He spends his life training with his mentor Zaknafein, a tough but surprisingly kind weapons master who secretly shares Drizzt's conscience as well as being his father in secret. After they learned each others secrets they planned to leave their dark society behind, but Zaknafein was captured and sacrificed to the Drow's Spider Queen. Drizzt loses the only good thing his family or society had ever given him on that day, leaving him alone in the dark caves of his underground home.

9: Buck from Zombieland
Woody Harrelson plays a semi-crazy, mostly awesome survivor of the zombie apocalypse, driven by an insatiable want for Twinkies. It's established early on that he's pining over the loss of his puppy, Buck. About two-thirds through the film though it's revealed that Buck isn't actually a puppy but was Woody's young son, a toe head blonde no more than 5. We only see this character in a few flashback scenes, never hear any dialogue from him, or even see him die, but the comparison between how Woody acts with his son and crazy in the zombie infested world emphasizes how effected he was by his son's death. It's as if the horrors caused by the zombies are nothing compared to losing that one little boy.

Note: Yes, I know Zombieland is rated R.

8: Penny from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Dr. Horrible has two goals: Join the Evil League of Evil and have Penny fall desperately in love with him. The tragedy is that to achieve one he must sacrifice the other. The Evil League of Evil requires the bad Doctor to murder someone to join the club, and when his gadget backfires and explodes only wounding his original target, Penny becomes the unfortunate recipient of shrapnel. It's good enough for the League though, so he get's in only to see how empty and sad his life is without her.

7: Meg from Hercules
Of all the Disney heroines, Meg is probably one of the best. She's smart, sassy, witty, but at the same time damaged and almost broken from the mistakes shes made in her life. The woman sells her soul to bring the man she loves back from the dead only for him to leave her for another gal, thus she ends up alone and a slave to Hades. She's only killed as an accident, due to the destruction caused by her betrayal of Hercules, a proper end in any Greek tragedy. Though because it's Disney, Hercules brings her back from the dead in one of the coolest rescue scenes in Disney. Though she comes back from the dead, it's still sad to watch one of Disney's most three dimensional characters and best love interest die.

6: Any media ever that shows Batman's parents dying
Comic books, live-action movies, cartoons or video games, it doesn't matter. Whenever young Bruce Wayne is kneeling over his dead parents it's just tragic. This is the image of a child's entire safety net shattered in an instant in the most violent and senseless way imaginable. The results created a man haunted by his own shadow and pain near the point of madness. True, Batman is one of the world's greatest super hero, but all the hours of training, fighting and darkness all stem from that one image of a little boy mourning his mommy and daddy.

5: Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Before Edward and Bella we had Buffy and Angel, the original supernatural romance. It's also your typical tragic romance to boot. She's the one girl chosen to slay the vampires, he's a dark stalker of the night cursed with a conscience that reminds him of all the evils he's committed. They fall in love and Angel experiences a moment of perfect happiness (Don't ask how), and his curse is broken, losing his soul and transforming him back into one of the worst vampires to walk the Earth. Buffy's heart is broken, but she gains the strength to take him out when he decides to end the world. While Buffy and Angel fight to the death for the fate of mankind, Buffy's friends recast the curse on Angel to restore his soul. It's too late though, and Buffy watches her beloved Angel become restored right before she has to kill him to stop his end of the world... thing.... It's heartbreaking to watch her have to kill the man she loves, when she just had to go through watching him become her worst enemy. It's what Twilight never had, emotion, depth and risk with falling in love.

4: Sirius Black from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Magic, broomsticks and potions are all well and good, but the thing Harry wanted most in the world was to have a family. He finally gets the semblance of one in meeting his godfather Sirius, after an entire book of thinking he had murdered Harry's parents. Sirius promises Harry that after his name is cleared they can live together and be a proper family. In book five though, Sirius is killed before Harry's very eyes in a very strange complicated way that has something to do with a curtain and the McDonald's arch. It's tragic because Harry is once again alone to face his destiny, without the guidance of a family to help him. Like several characters on this list, Sirius represents the love of family and how devastating it can be to lose someone so close.

3: Wash from Serenity

There are certain people that just aren't supposed to die. Somewhere near the top of the list is comic relief. Wash in Serenity and Firefly is the fun loving, beloved pilot who wears Hawaiian shirts, plays with Dinosaurs and somehow won the beautiful Zoey. In Serenity though, after a battle with Reavers and a crash landing on a planet, Wash is suddenly killed when an enemy ship rams into his, driving a metal spike through his chest. It's sudden and comes out of nowhere, adding intensity to the scene. We also see the normally tough-as-nails soldier Zoey break down for the first time at the sight of her beloved husband impaled in his favorite chair. having her lose it adds to the tragedy, as if a part of Zoey died with Wash.

2: The Kents and Lois dealing with the death of Superman
Superman's death was a sad and poetic moment, but the saddest part came during the funeral comic. Lois Lane at the time of Superman's death knew about his secret identity and was engaged to Clark. While the city grieved at the loss of their hero, Lois wept silently at the loss of her beloved fiancé. She doesn't allow herself to truly grieve until she finds Clark's parents at his apartment, settling in to be with her. There's a scene where they simply hold each other and weep for their beloved son and lover, relieved to finally have someone they can share their grief with.

1: The kid who committed suicide in New Mutants
I can't even find a name for this kid. The comic came out in the 80's, and followed a younger group of students at Xavier's Academy while the X-Men were away. The story follows a transfer student who attends the same high school Kitty Pryde does, and how he tries to hide the fact that he's a mutant from everyone else. He tries to fit in with the cool kids by spouting anti-mutant jokes and phrases which burns his bridges with Kitty and only earns him more teasing. The final straw comes when a group of bullies continue to call him a mutant and say that they're going to call the government mutant task force on him. Fearing that they truly have found out about his mutant ability, the young man kills himself that night. Kitty investigates afterwards and feels extremely guilty when she finds out that he was indeed a mutant with the gift to create beautiful sculptures out of light. The story has tons of underlying connotations of accepting people, bullying, and even a piece with adolescent homosexuality. It's moving, fascinating, and was a bold move by Marvel that paid off beautifully.

I hope that my list doesn't come across as morbid. The idea here was to show that fiction can act as more than just a way to kill time, but can actually hold special meaning to us as people. There are some that didn't make the list, either because I thought they're already talked about too much (IE Darth Vader and Aslan) and some because I just didn't want to go into too much explanation on extremely obscure characters (IE Jack Drake and Gertrude Yorkes). So remember, you're not less of a person because you cried when Bambi's mom died, you're less of a person when you were hoping that the hunters would bag Bambi as well. :)
-JOE