Wednesday, February 12, 2020

How to make a fandom toxic

Ever wonder how so many fandoms get their toxic fan bases? Ever want to feel the rush of superiority knowing you've destroyed beloved characters and stories for someone else? Are you tired of always ending every discussion on a positive note that strengthens your relationships with others and makes you a better person overall? Then here's how to turn your favorite franchise completely toxic for yourself and everyone around you!

For today's example I will be using The Andy Griffith Show

1: Always Take Time to Flaunt Your Superior Knowledge

Did someone just misquote Aunt Bee's description of the Nazi tripwires in episode 16: "Barney's Sidecar"? Now is a great opportunity to correct the perpetrator immediately. Make sure they know they're wrong, even if you need to pull out your phone and show them the scene at full volume wherever you are. Remember that as a true fan your duty is to snuff out ignorance wherever it may rear its ugly head. 

2: Seek Out and Destroy Any Fan Art, Fanfiction, and Cosplays that Are Not 100% Accurate to the Source Material

Remember that The Andy Griffith Show's 249 episodes and subsequent spin-offs and movie are all sacred text, and cannot be altered or reinterpreted in any way. The Barney Fife cosplayer doesn't have one bullet in his front shirt pocket? Shame him! That portrait of Opie is missing several freckles? Make sure to dislike their post! Someone wrote a story about how Andy's wife died as a way to express their own grief over the loss of their own parent? Destroy them! Make sure they never want to write anything in public again! How dare they take your fandom and warp it to their own ideals. They have no right to destroy something you love! 

3: Never Let Anyone Have a Different Opinion Than You

Of course Gomer Pyle is the Jar Jar Binks of Mayberry. How could he be anyone's favorite character? The fact that he got his own spin-off means nothing, he's the worst character ever and anyone who disagrees needs to be proven wrong outright. Compile a list of reasons you can pull out that you can go over in detail whenever someone brings up Gomer. If need be have it written down somewhere on your person for reference. Remember you're not being rude or obnoxious, you're educating them on how wrong they are so they can change their favorite character to a more appropriate one. They'll thank you later. 

4: Use Hate Speech When Others Won't Listen

So no matter how hard you've tried, your friend simply will not agree that hands down Otis Campbell is a Shakespearean level tragic figure. He keeps arguing that he is an alcoholic that was sending the wrong message to kids when you know for a fact that he only drank to mask his inner pain. There's only one solution: Start using racial slurs against him. Mock his religion, his family dynamic, sexuality, ethnicity, whatever you can do to make him listen and acknowledge that you're right. If you only know the person by their internet profile, then even better! After all there are no repercussions from internet bullying. People who have their feelings hurt are just weak and shouldn't have played with the big boys in the first place. 

5: Let No Others Enjoy the Fandom Except by the Approved Methods

Anyone who does not own a complete box set of The Andy Griffith Show with audio commentary and interviews from the actors cannot call themselves a true fan. Some filthy casual who only watched the show when they were at home sick or when they hung out with their grandparents can't truly understand the subtle relationships and brilliant humor the show offers. Casuals have no rights to call themselves fans and should feel ashamed for trying to compare their love to your obvious superiority. 


**Also Gomer Pyle is a total gangster and I love him and everything he was in**

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