“When You’re Not Looking”

Let me tell you a story about waiting for my mission call (twice). I’ve written about my missionary experience(s) previously but the short version is that, because of Asperger’s and anxiety, my mission call took a little extra consideration. I longed to serve a mission but had to come home three months in because my mental health struggles made me non-functional. After almost a year of more longing, I went back on my mission for a few months before the Spirit spoke to me about going home again. 

Those years were also the time that I got invested in The Chronicles of Narnia. Words from those books and movies spoke to me and my heart's desire. A few years ago, I wrote about how "The Horse and His Boy" spoke comfort as I waited to go back on my mission. In the "Prince Caspian" movie, Peter and Lucy both expressed longing to return to Narnia and the lessons learned upon their return. The one lesson that's been on my mind recently comes from the movie version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe":

Lucy: Will we ever go back?

Professor Kirke: Oh, I expect so. But it'll probably happen when you're not looking for it. All the same... best to keep your eyes open.

Heavenly Father hears the longings of our hearts, but in my experience those prayers are rarely answered in the way we expect. Just like with my mission calls, we may have to wait and it might not be exactly what we hoped for. However, I'm learning (again) that acting anxious about these things hasn't helped me in the past and doesn't help me now.

Of course, letting go of that anxiety is easier said than done. It's been sixteen years since my first mission call and I can definitely handle my anxiety better today than it was at the time of that first missionary call (maybe I'd finally be able to handle the anxiety of full-time missionary service). However, there are still plenty of things in my life that I've had to wait for. Some are bigger, like anxiously waiting for a positive pregnancy test. Some are smaller, like waiting for a payday. Most things are somewhere in the middle.

As Professor Kirke said, these things often happen "when you're not looking for it". Like that saying about a watched pot. It's funny how things have changed for me when I've been able to let go of my worries, even partially. Once I've finally learned the lesson at hand, I guess I'm ready to receive the blessings for which I prayed.

The Lord spoke to early saints regarding their temporary dwellings: "And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good." (D&C 51:17) I heard that taught in YSA wards (very transient at BYU) and I learned that while waiting to go back on my mission. Live like you'll be there forever (or at least a long time) and do good wherever you are. 

Whatever blessing you're waiting for, "keep your eyes open" but remember to "take no thought for your life" (Matthew 6:25) as God has promised to care for us. It'll probably happen when you're not looking. Live your life as best you know how and "Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord." (D&C 123:17) He has worked miracles in my life. And He will work miracles in yours.