The Power of Hope

Over the course of the Digimon Adventure saga, there’s only one character featured in the main cast from the first episode through The Beginning and that’s TK. He’s also the Digi-Destined in my mind whose story arc and development continues from the first two seasons through the subsequent movies: His struggle with hope and fearing loss. 

Despite possessing the Crest of Hope, it’s one of TK’s greatest struggles in addition to one of his strongest traits. With all he went through growing up and becoming the author we saw in the Digimon 02 epilogue, it should be no surprise that he had a hard time. Even before being sucked into the Digital World, he experienced his parents’ divorce at a young age. Even if it was the best decision for his parents, the most amicable divorces can still affect children. Especially as young as TK was. He was separated from father and older brother and it’s clear he didn’t get to see them much. That disconnection from his family couldn’t have been easy (and how/why they made the decision to separate the brothers during the divorce I can’t imagine).

By the time the brothers ended up in the Digital World, their disconnect was obvious (even to notoriously oblivious Tai). After being separated from his brother by Devimon, his partner Patamon died defeating the evil Digimon. None of the kids knew about Digital Monsters reconfiguring, so initially TK thought his friend was gone forever. This event explicitly left a mark on the young Digi-Destined. It should be no surprise that his traumas resulted in pushing his partner away more than once (after hearing the lies of DemiDevimon and shortly before encountering Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon).

Fast forward a few years to the battle against the Digimon Emperor. Seeing Devimon again brought all those memories to the surface, enraging TK. It came up again against BlackWargreymon, as we learned along with Cody that TK had nightmares about losing Patamon again. 

With nightmares like that, it doesn’t surprise me that as Meicoomon’s infection spread to Patamon, TK chose denial instead of reaching out to Izzy for help. Especially with the reboot on the horizon, TK risked losing his partner again. As they headed back to the Digital World to find their Digimon again, it’s like reconnecting with Tokomon gave him more hope that he’d be bonded with his partner no matter what happened, enabling Patamon to reach mega level. 

And yet by the time Menoa came around and told the Digi-Destined that their time was limited with their partners, TK’s trauma must have been triggered again. Though Last Evolution was focused more on Tai and Matt, we saw that TK was among the Digi-Destined who subconsciously chose to join Eosmon’s Never World. After Tai and Matt woke their friends up, TK was more than happy to fight the good fight… but it was still there. 

A couple years later, when Lui came into the picture, TK was faced yet again with the prospect of losing Patamon. Of all the present Digi-Destined, TK was the most hesitant to fight Ukkomon and risk losing their partners. But in the end, he faced that fear and joined his friends. Facing that fear again. 

We still have a gap between The Beginning and the Adventure 02 epilogue, but TK went through a lot. The trauma never really left. However, when all was said and done, TK consistently faced that trauma and rose above it. Because of those scars, he always had trouble holding onto the essence of his Crest of Hope. 

I guess that’s what makes hope so important. The darkness is so pervasive with depression or trauma. Holding onto hope and trusting that things will get better… it’s tough. Sometimes for me, hope is just doing the next right thing. Or knowing that I don’t need to do everything all at once. Sometimes hope is just seeing one patient at a time. More than once I’ve told myself “If I need to, I can go home at lunch.” These little bits of hope get me through the day. Even just having the hope of having some relief (like knowing I can always take a Tylenol when my back pain flares up). 

Choosing hope is tough. But I suppose hope would be necessary if it was only for good times. I’ll try to sum up my ramblings with two quotes:

T.K.: "Where there's light, there's always darkness."
Kari: "T.K's right, and the brighter the light is, the deeper the darkness."

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

The Power of Miracles

I recently finished the first season of Digimon Adventure again and I’ve already started Adventure 02, with Davis front and center (because he’s obnoxious and needs to be the center of attention). But as obnoxious as I found him as a kid, he’s grown to be one of my favorite Digimon characters in recent years. 

Delusional about his soccer prowess and his relationship with Kari, he shouldn’t have been the first choice to lead the second generation of Digi-Destined. He was jealous and impulsive and he let his emotions dictate his actions (geez, maybe I’m more like him than I thought). However, there’s something about him that makes him one of my favorites now. 

In the endgame episodes of Adventure 02, the Digi-Destined faced off against MaloMyotismon. While the other five kids were scared witless, Davis had nothing but wit. And this is where Davis’s unwarranted confidence came in handy:

MaloMyotismon: "I must admit, I'm impressed with your tenacity."

Davis: "Wait till you see my bullheadedness."

MaloMyotismon: "I'm curious to know why my mind illusion was ineffective against you. How can it be that you have no insecurities or unhappiness for it to feed off of?" 

Davis: "What do I have to worry about? I've got my friends, my family, the Digimon. Besides some guy with a letter-opener on his face trying to kill me, I'm happy to say I don't have any problems."

Yeah, Davis is too persistent for his own good. But it’s that persistence that saved the Digi-destined multiple times. For example, it was Davis who refused to give up and leave Ken’s base when he was the Digimon Emperor. Because he refused to leave, he found the Digi-Egg of Miracles and Veemon golden armor digivolved to Magnamon. 

Maybe that’s what miracles take. Persistence. Tenacity. Bull-headedness. Resiliency.

Without digging into the specifics, last year was rough on my mental health. While I never contemplated self-harm (thank goodness) there were plenty of times in which I wanted to give up. Maybe call out sick for a month or something, you know? Fortunately/Unfortunately, sometimes it feels like I’m too resilient for my own good. It’s exhausting to keep trying and to keep getting back up.

But whether in a religious sense or not, miracles don’t come from giving up. Miracles take endurance and faith. Maybe in my case they require a little self-care too. Bull-headed Davis would have never released the Golden Digi-Egg or tripled Veemon’s digivolutions (still bitter that Magnamon didn’t appear in the final battle) if it weren’t for his determination. 

So here we go into a new adventure (the new year and Adventure 02). Time to channel Davis’s bullheadedness as I fight my way into whatever comes next. Maybe even draw inspiration from his Digi-Eggs of Courage and Friendship as well (even if Davis’s courage usually presents more as impulsiveness). Take courage and stick close to loved ones. 

Despite the hate that The Digimon Movie has received from fans over the years, I want to close out with one of my favorite Davis quotes from the movie that reminds me I’m not alone, even when I don’t want to be resilient anymore:

The Power of Kindness

As I finish off Digimon Adventure 02 and as it’s mental health awareness month, I wanted to highlight some of the best character development from the series. From Digimon Emperor to saving the Digi-Destined from Daemon, Ken went through his personal hell to get where he ended up by the end of it all. So let’s start at the beginning. 

Ken and His Brother
Exact dates and years are unclear, but as a young child Ken constantly compared himself to his older brother Sam. Who could blame him? His parents and neighbors frequently praised Sam and Ken felt forgotten. Even when the Digivice appeared to Ken, Sam claimed it was his. How could that not affect his self-esteem? So when he ventured to the Digital World, fought Millenniummon, and was infected by the Dark Spore, there was already plenty of trauma and darkness in his heart for the Spore to feed on. Wormmon warned him that people would try to take advantage of his kindness and he couldn't have known how right he'd be.

The Dark Spore
This feat of dark engineering would feed on a child’s innocence and potential that would make them a Digi-Destined, according to Oikawa. You could compare it to depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other mental health issue. With our world as broken as it is, I believe all of us have “mini traumas” that have shaped the way we look at life. These traumas big or small are like the Dark Spore, feeding on everything good and bad in our lives.

Losing His Brother
Maybe it was the Dark Spore at work or maybe it was some dark coincidence, but the resentment in his heart got Ken wishing his brother would disappear, so he could have the spotlight for once. After his brother’s passing, he felt responsible for it, so add that to his traumas. So when he was drawn to the Dark Ocean, the darkness and self-loathing in his heart overtook him. 

The Reign of the Digimon Emperor
Trying to escape from the traumas of his life, Ken retreated to the Digital World, as his grades and athletics rose to new levels. He had all the adulations he’d ever wanted, but it was never enough. And somewhere along the line he grew to believe that the Digital World was like a video game and his actions were inconsequential there. He could rule and conquer to boost his ego and get that dopamine hit. 

Reality Check and Wormmon’s Rebirth
After his defeat at the hands of the new Digi-Destined, he came back to himself, realizing how real the Digimon were, just in time to see Wormmmon die. With the Crest of Kindness in hand, he walked off from the others. The soul-searching that came afterwards took him through memories of his brother and the Dark Ocean, eventually leading him to return to the Digital World where he reunited with his partner. With the forgiveness of his Digimon, Ken was finally able to begin the process of moving on and making restitution for his wrongs.

Ken's Redemption Story

In the second half of Adventure 02, Ken becomes an integral part of the Digi-Destined team. Eventually the whole team, even Cody, forgive him for his actions as the Emperor. However, multiple events would still occur that would trigger the trauma of what he'd done, including slipping into the Dark Ocean with Kari, facing off against Daemon, and allowing himself to be taken by Oikawa. Even with all the good he'd done for the Digital World to repair his wrongs, he was still haunted by his mistakes. 

A Lesson in Treating Yourself with Kindness

I think the best thing for me that came out of my recent re-watch of Adventure 02 is the less in self-compassion. Interesting since his was the Crest of Kindness. Mention was made multiple times through his redemption arc of the irony that the ex-Digimon Emperor would have that crest; he Digimon was anything but kind. However, even when he changed his ways and was outwardly kind, we never saw his crest glow (and oh how I wish we could have seen Wormmon's ultimate form). Maybe it was because there was no tag. Or maybe it's just plot armor. But equally likely, in my opinion, is how unkind he was to himself during his redemption.

I could reference the confrontation with Daemon (and it's a good one) to illustrate how Ken had to be kind to himself and forgive himself, but I think what proves my point even more is when the Digi-Destined faced off against MaloMyotismon. When the reborn villain cast his illusion over the children, TK had his family back together, Kari saw harmony between both worlds, and Cody and Yolei were presented with fantasies without much previous build-up. However, instead of a fantasy of his brother reborn or of a happy Digital World, Ken's insecurity-based illusion involved him being punished by the Digimon and taken away by his brother (to the afterlife, I guess). It illustrates a level of shame and self-contempt that was not present with the other Digi-Destined. It took the support of Wormmon and his friends to pull him out of the shame-based illusion.

Facing the Dark Spores

Later, as MaloMytotismon fed on the hopelessness of the Dark Spore kids. I've already compared the Dark Spore to the darkness of mental health struggles and it's apparent here. The kids have lost hope and have forgotten their dreams (or told their dreams were worthless). Through the encouragement of the Digi-Destined the kids latch onto their hopes again, even just a little bit. Even just that little bit of hope and self-compassion helped the darkness lose control. How powerful would it be if we could all do that? It's like casting a patronus; you need to focus on the hope in life for any chance of fighting the powers of darkness. 

Sometimes I feel like I've got that Dark Spore in me. By no means have I done anything as atrocious as the Digimon Emperor, but like anyone I have my regrets. Practicing kindness and forgiving myself for mistakes I've made is rough. I think TK said it best in the Adventure 02 epilogue:

"The darkness has not been conquered, and it will continue to fight against the light forever. But as long as people remember to follow their dreams, evil will be kept at bay. And on days like today, it's hard to see any darkness anywhere. Now it's up to our children, and to children everywhere, to follow their dreams. Who knows where they'll end up... But the only way to find out is to take the first step into adventure..."

 

The Power of Sincerity

A few years ago, Brad did a blog post about what Matt’s Crest of Friendship meant to him. After finishing Digimon Adventure Tri again last year, I wanted to write something about Mimi’s Crest of Sincerity.

While Tri didn’t sit well with many fans, I loved it. Especially the first few movies. The second movie in particular gave us wonderful character development stories about Joe and Mimi. 

Recently moved back to Japan from the United States, Mimi takes on the responsibility of creating a café for their school festival. She’s forward about what she wanted: Daters, an American restaurant she’d been to and an obvious reference to real-world Hooters (but the PG version). Their new friend Meiko was impressed by Mimi’s confidence. In response, we get a powerful line from Mimi. Both the original and the dub are striking so I’ve included them both:

“Honestly I don’t like holding myself back for the sake of others. Being quiet in front of people means you’re just complaining later.” (Original Japanese Sub)

“No point in bottling it all up and worrying what others will think. Staying quiet in public just means feeling frustrated in private later.” (American English Dub)

This impulsivity is a recurring theme throughout the movie, continually getting her into trouble. Her fellow Digi-Destined Izzy calls her ego-centric for jumping into the battle instead of waiting for help. Her classmates call her a narcissist in the dub. The original sub uses the word “Jikochu”, self-centered and annoying. 

In a world where we praise authenticity in how we act and how we live, it’s easy to get caught up in ourselves and be jikochu. We can forget, like Mimi, to consider others’ feelings. Even well-meaning authenticity doesn’t just give us license to say whatever we want just because it pops into our minds. It’s a learning curve of how to express ourselves authentically and appropriately. 

Later on, as Joe deals with his own character development, he’s able to trigger his Crest of Reliability (a post for another time) to the extent that Gomamon reaches his mega level Vikemon. His growth inspires Mimi, who jokingly calls him jikochu. He responds, “You’re fine that way too, I guess.” This line basically gives Mimi permission to be herself, flaws and all, rocketing Palmon to mega level as well. 

So maybe authenticity (or sincerity) has more to do with how we see ourselves than how we actually live?

The Power of Friendship

Have you ever had a cartoon or anime hit you right in the feels? That's one reason why I loved Digimon as a kid, and why I've started rewatching it almost 20 years later.

One episode that really connected with me and my own personal life experiences as I've rewatched the series is in Season 1, Part 2, Episode 30 -- the episode entitled "The Crest of Friendship"

One of my favorite characters from the show, Matt, is walking along in a dark cave accompanied by his trusty sidekick and Digimon partner Gabumon.

Matt began to feel depressed as he reflected on the relationship he had with his little brother. He began to feel useless, and had his self-declared life purpose of taking care of his little brother TK challenged by recent events. TK is growing up and Matt doesn't know how to handle it.

A darkness consumes him, but his friend Gabumon stays with him and reminds him who he is, and what he means to not only Gabumon, but the rest of the Digi-Destined.

With the help of his friend, the darkness leaves him and a dark cloud begins swirling above him. He didn't realize until after the fact just how much the darkness was consuming him.

Because of friendship, the power of darkness is shattered. 

Matt is a new man from this experience, and it is really cool to see how he uses the power of friendship in the fight against Piedmon.

Turning to the personal side of things, I see myself in Matt in this episode. I've often struggled with feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and depression. In fact, I still fight the battle against mental illness. 

Various times throughout the past two to three years I've been consumed by darkness and have been in some pretty low places emotionally and mentally. But what has made the difference is the friends that have walked in that cave with me. They reassured me of my value and self-worth. They have demonstrated in word and deed what it means to "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort."

I've had some really dark days, but because of friendship, the power of darkness in my life has been shattered. Many friends, scattered across the years, have acted as the hands of Christ to minister to me in my own Gethsemanes

And I am comforted to know through modern revelation the following eternal truth -- that friendship is not meant just for this earthly existence, but for eternity:

“That same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory” 
(D&C 130:2)