"I was afraid. I didn't... You said I could let go of the anger that was weighing me down. And suddenly it felt like without it, I would just... float away. That anger was all I had. What would I be without it?"
This quote from Once Upon a Time resonated recently. To my credit, I haven’t been resentful enough towards anyone that I sent a huntsman after them. However, I’ll admit that like Regina I have a hard time forgiving. And for a long time that anger defined her.
Once upon a time, Regina was a loving woman. As a youth, she jumped at the idea that she had a big sister (until Cora separated them). She loved her boyfriend Daniel freely (when her mother wasn’t looking). She even loved Snow White at first and was quick to show affection to the girl.
However, after that ten year old girl spilled the secret about Regina’s boyfriend, her heart was filled with darkness and hatred from the trauma. For decades, this hatred consumed her kind soul and grew to the point that she was ready to punish an entire kingdom for Snow White’s childhood mistake. Even when she had a chance at love, she turned away, not willing to give up that defining hatred. It was bad enough that she internalized the moniker of the Evil Queen.
After casting the Dark Curse, she had her revenge. And it was perfect. Until it wasn’t. Finally, when she adopted Henry she caught a glimpse of love again. But with how controlling a mother she was, I’m willing to bet it was her trauma and insecurities, always worried about losing him, Emma’s arrival in Storybrooke only amplified that fear.
When True Love’s Kiss broke the curse, she was a pariah once again. She used her magic as a crutch to avoid losing Henry. I think it was when she was forced to co-parent with Charming that things began to change. I mean, she made herself vulnerable to losing Henry when she helped Emma and Mary Margaret through the portal. By the time the crew left for Neverland, she had briefly lost her magic and was forced to trust her foes to save her son.
I’m not sure Regina could have made the sacrifice to lose Henry, in undoing Peter Pan’s curse, if not for that growth. The love of her son, and his love for her, opened her heart to the point that the grief of losing him almost drove her to bury her heart and impose a sleeping curse on herself. By the time they were back in Storybrooke she was able to open her heart enough to consistently trust the Charming family (and for them to trust her) that she went undercover with the Queens of Darkness while searching for her happy ending.
Opening her heart like that had to be the scariest thing in her life, making her feel vulnerable. But it somehow made her heart stronger. Even after Robin Hood’s demise, she managed to hold onto hope. Sure, she was as angry and resentful towards her sister, but she wasn’t murderous like she had been to Snow.
And while I could’ve done without the final season of the show, her character as Roni under the new curse showcased her transformation. After all she’d been through, she was the embodiment of hope in Hyperion Heights.
If I’m going to take one lesson from Regina’s story, it’s that opening your heart will make you stronger and help you discover your true identity. Regina was worried that forgiveness would leave her with nothing to ground her. But instead she found that opening her heart, discovering who the real Regina was, and letting in the love offered… that grounded her. By the end of the series, she felt loved and sure of herself. I’m not exactly sure how to get there in a practical sense myself, but I’m sure it’s easier said than done. Step one is compassion for myself. That seems to be what Heavenly Father is trying to teach me lately.
More Content You Might Like:
- "Operation New Beginnings: Regina Mills" by Tyler F
- "Who is Zelena?" by Spencer
- "Sorting Storybrooke into Hogwarts Houses" by Spencer
No comments:
Post a Comment