But I Can Carry You

“I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.”

I’m not a huge Lord of the Rings fan (a cardinal sin, as a card-carrying geek, I know) but this line popped into my mind when praying about about my daughter last month, as the school year ended. We could tell she was having a hard time leaving preschool for kindergarten. She may not have been able to articulate her feelings, but my wife and I could tell she was acting out due to anxiety. I’m not sure how this line from Samwise Gamgee applies to me and her exactly… I know I can’t take the big feelings from her, but I wished I knew how to help carry her through this.

Since the school year is over and she started adjusting to summer break, it seems like she's doing much better. Still it's hard being a parent and seeing my kids struggle. It needs to happen and it's part of the experience of mortality, but that doesn't change the fact that it's hard. As she grows up, she'll learn to manage her anxious feelings. But still I can't get the thought out of head about carrying her load.

And that impression left me thinking about how Heavenly Father views us. Being all-powerful, it seems reasonable that God could take away the anxiety and challenges we encounter. But as much as I'd like my anxiety lifted away forever, I know that's not how the Plan of Salvation works. If Heavenly Father jumped in whenever I had a problem, I wouldn't learn anything. It's like if I could have kept my daughter in preschool, so that she wouldn't have to face the heartache of leaving her friends and her teacher. However, she's growing up and she needs to learn and grow more.

Bringing it back to my relationship with God... It's a struggle with my mental health and my anxiety, because I'd love for a respite in which my anxiety is taken away even for a time... but that's not how life works... 

“I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.”

Heavenly Father can't take the pain away. Heartbreak, anxiety, and struggles are what help us grow and develop as children of God. Though He can't take it away, He can carry me. That's why He sent Jesus Christ to perform the Atonement. I'm still figuring out what it means for a loving God to "carry" me, because on a day-to-day basis it still feels like I'm carrying it alone. But as I look back, I can see the footprints in the sand, seeing where I felt alone, and remembering that He has carried me through experiences I thought would rip me apart from the inside.

So while I don't understand how He carries me, I can keep moving forward and keep trying... especially on the days I don't want to try.